Kinky Travels (pt5): Dungeon B&B – not to be

Posted: June 29, 2017 in BDSM, Bondage, Fetish, Kinky, Male Chastity, Orgasm Denial, Spanking, Submissive

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This one is kind of a hard post to write.. I’ve had a blank draft out there with this title (at least the first part of it) for a few weeks now in anticipation of what was to come, just had to wait until our vacation to see how things played out to know what to ACTUALLY write about. And this particular thing couldn’t have happened any more different than what I had hoped/played out in my head.

Every relationship & journey has to have its little bumps along the way, and I guess this is one for me. I think I’ve been pretty lucky since I started this blog, as overall it has been a pretty huge success story of introducing my previously completely “vanilla” wife to a pretty “out-there” thing (somewhat out there even as far as kink goes) like long term chastity. Not only has Angel been very open minded and accepting of my deep seeded desire to be locked, but she has completely embraced the role of key-holder and even learned a lot about herself along the way in terms of actually ENJOYING denying me orgasms as she has them for herself over and over again!

As anybody who has been following/reading my blog for very long would know, besides chastity Angel and I have slowly been venturing into quite a few other things along the kink spectrum; especialy in the realm of bondage, spanking, ass/foot worship, etc. The only major line Angel has drawn has been in coming out to any “public” BDSM-type events with me, whether it be a local munch, a play party, etc. She has been at least somewhat accepting of ME going to such things, but will not go herself. I can’t say that I completely agree with her reasoning, but I do at least somewhat understand where she’s coming from–being that she does work in the public sector and is fairly well known around certain circles in our community. You never know where those circles and the BDSM crowd may intersect, and Angel is very afraid of running into somebody who might recognize her. Personally I would just say that if there IS somebody there who knows her, the fact is that they are at these events for the SAME reason, and there are kind of unspoken “rules” against outing individuals that you may happen to see at kink events. But nonetheless, if Angel is not comfortable attending any events with me for those reasons, I will never force it on her.

But now back to our vacation. We spent an entire week in a Total Power Exchange with Angel playing the part of my Mistress/Domme (and doing it VERY well I may add!) For our last night on the drive home, I had come up with one last little surprise for Angel that I thought (hoped) she might enjoy. I’m not going to name any names here, but just outside of Atlanta I actually found a popular local “Dungeon,” which has a handful of private little suites for nightly rentals (each with their own private dungeon spaces as well). It’s like a kinky little B&B, only the second “B” doesn’t exactly stand for “Breakfast” in this case (think: “Bed & Bondage!”)

canstockphoto5511452The suite that I rented for us had a King sized bed in it with some tie points along the headboard, and across the room was a large locking cage with tie points high on the walls as well as along the floor. To get a better picture of this, think of a 2 foot deep closet by maybe 5-6 feet long, which would normally have sliding doors on the front of it to be able to access half of the closet at a time. Now remove those doors and any shelves inside, and put some jail cell bars and a locking door in the front of it. Add the mentioned tie points, and you have a nice little slave cage! In a separate space attached to the main bedroom was the rest of the private dungeon, which included a pretty nice looking spanking bench and a St. Andrews Cross.

Outside of our room and down the hall was the main dungeon space, fully equipped with pretty much anything you could ever imagine a BDSM space might have. Several more St. Andrew’s crosses, spanking benches, suspension equipment, a huge chain “spider’s web” for bondage scenes, you name it! I think normally if there are any events going on in the main dungeon that space isn’t actually included in the Suite rentals; but being a quiet Sunday night and we were the only tenants that evening, we pretty much had the go-ahead to use any piece of equipment we wanted!canstockphoto34432789

I know quite a few people now who would just LOVE accomodations like that and would probably be like a kid in a candy store to have full, private access to such a large dungeon! I was pretty excited myself, hoping to get to an even deeper level of submission to Angel with access to that type of equipment.

But I guess the biggest part of the problem may have been trying to “surprise” Angel with this. I managed to keep it quiet all week, and didn’t even reveal that I already had plans for that night until she started trying to figure out for herself how far we might be able to drive that day and what kind of hotel we might be able to book. I finally told her not to worry about it, that I had us covered for the night and we would be more than half-way home so the next day wouldn’t be too much of a drive either. She was very curious what I had planned, but didn’t ask too many questions until we got close to our destination. At that point I think she finally started to pick up on the fact that there might be more of a “kinky” aspect to our lodging for the night and began to get very nervous about it.

When we arrived, the General Manager of the dungeon met us at the door, got us checked in, and showed us around. It seems that she actually stays full time in another room down the hall from ours, but she made it clear that she wouldn’t be bothering us in the least so we really did have the place to ourselves! During the tour, I could tell that Angel was very uneasy, she just didn’t want to say anything in front of the manager. She especially paled a bit when we were being given certain prohibitions on some of the more extreme types of play; like anything involving fire, knives, blood, scat, etc. (none of which we’d have ever been doing anyway, but I know they had to go over all of that for liability reasons…)

Angel did manage to keep her composure until we were back alone in our private room, at which point she lost it and began crying. The “Catholic Guilt” that Angel grew up with hit her very hard and very fast. She told me she couldn’t do this, and wasn’t sure about being able to do ANY of it anymore… When I asked her to elaborate, she cited some of the aforementioned “extreme” things we’d heard about, and that she just wasn’t cut out for this lifestyle. I assured her that those are very niche things that by no means everyone is into, and I’m certainly not even into that stuff myself!

Angel went on to say [paraphrasing] that just “being there…” this was not what “normal” people do, and she was probably going to Hell already for enjoying some of the things we already do, but this was just “wrong” and she just couldn’t go through with it.

Ouch. I’m not going to try and say that didn’t sting a little bit (What happened to my completely open-minded wife who wasn’t just “humoring” me with my kinks but was fully accepting them and even starting to get into many of them herself??) But truly what hurt the most was that I was putting Angel, who I love more than anything in the world, into such emotional turmoil.

As much as I wanted to stay and play, I could tell that Angel was a wreck and there was no way she would be “into it” that night. I told her we could just leave, and go find a hotel somewhere else in the area if it would make her feel better. I knew she wanted to, but she also didn’t want to lose the money we’d already dropped for the night.

After a little more discussion, I knew that we couldn’t stay. One way or another we needed to leave and go somewhere else for the night. I went down and knocked on the Manager’s door asking to speak with her. I explained as well as I could that Angel was just very overwhelmed with the whole thing and wasn’t at all in the headspace to be able to let herself loose to enjoy staying at a dungeon for the night. The GM was very gracious and understanding, and did proceed to issue a full refund for the night (less the initial deposit that I had put in for our stay). That’s fair, at least we weren’t going to be out the whole amount! I went back and gave the good news to Angel, who grabbed her bag and couldn’t have gotten back out to our van fast enough. We looked up hotels on our phone, and ended up deciding to even drive another couple hours closer to home before stopping for the night and sleeping in a “normal” bed!

Yes, things did get a little bit awkward between us for a little while, which is a very unfortunate way to end an otherwise perfect vacation! But we did manage to talk about the (non)experience a lot. For Angel, what we do sexually is a completely private matter and she just cannot bring herself to talk about it or especially do any of it around other people, in public settings like that. I told her how I DO see where she’s coming from with that point of view in regard to coming out publicly back home, where she could potentially run into somebody who knows her already, but here there were a couple of distinct differences. 1) We were hundreds of miles from home so practically zero chance of running into anybody that we knew. 2) There was nobody else besides the GM even staying in the same building that night, so there was nothing public about it–it would have only been her and I sharing our private moments together.  The same type of moments that we already enjoyed with each other, just on a slightly larger scale!

Even though I’ve never been able to get Angel to come out to any sort of play party back home, I guess I just thought that MAYBE it would have been different that night in a completely different city. But clearly I was wrong. I pushed it way too far, way too fast. I guess the fact is that Angel may very well never be ready to play in that type of environment, and I will accept that and still love her more than anything anyway! She did come back later and say that she’s still fine with keeping me locked in my chastity device and many of the other things that we’ve been finding that we enjoy with each other, she was indeed just pretty overwhelmed with the enormity of a full-fledged BDSM facility and cannot get that deep into it.

canstockphoto10545597Shockingly, possibly what got to me the most personally was her mention of going to Hell for this type of thing.. To be clear, I really don’t believe any of that myself. But it did hit me kind of hard when I had to consider that Angel might actually think that way about me, and be afraid of me dragging her down right along with me… Angel has told me that she didn’t really mean that (I’ll say again: Catholic Guilt!) and has even apologized profusely for not just sucking it up and going through with it that night “for me.”

But it really is OK. I wouldn’t have wanted for Angel to do something she’s that uncomfortable with, just for me. It was supposed to be something fun for us to do together while we had one last chance before returning home to the kids and to life in general. It was something different, that normally we would never have much of an opportunity to do when traveling with family. I took a gamble and it didn’t work out the way I had hoped, but the only way we could have stayed there would have been if BOTH of us were completely into it. Since Angel wasn’t, leaving was the best[only] real option for that night.

canstockphoto36525445It was a little disappointing, yes; but I am completely over it and hold no grudge whatsoever against Angel. If anything HAD played out differently, even with Angel ultimately in control of everything I suspect that my “Switchy” side may have come out in full force. Even if we had never ventured further than the little private dungeon attached to our suite, I think I would have loved being bent over the spanking bench with Angel having her way with the crop on my ass! But at the same time, I would also love to have gotten to see Angel spread out and cuffed to the St. Andrew’s Cross, unable to resist at all as I would hold her magic wand against her until she was completely worn out from orgasms! MAYBE she would have even wanted to lock me up inside that cage for a while (or all night!) where I could only watch from afar as she sprawled out on the bed and got herself off with the wand even more… That night may have had the potential to turn several fantasies into reality in one shot, but maybe some things are best left as fantasy!

Wow, looking back over what I’ve written so far I think it has probably been quite some time since I’ve had such a long-winded post! But even if it’s never read by a single other soul, it feels good to just get this all out and written down. This is one of the things I like best about blogging, is how it is very therapeutic for me to be able to sort through all of the random thoughts in my head and organize them into meaningful statements of how I REALLY feel about an issue at hand! Right now I am feeling MUCH better about myself and my relationship with Angel since getting this story out! 🙂

Comments
  1. servinher says:


    https://polldaddy.com/js/rating/rating.jsI enjoy your blog and your writing. I share your interest and foray into male chastity and D/s within a loving marriage. However, I agree with some of the other comments that communication and consent are necessary. Not to be dramatic, but you moved your relationship into potentially harmful territory. You wanted this…not her…and she felt pushed into something outside her comfort zone. That’s so “topping from the bottom” plus the element of “surprise” breaks an element of trust she has with you.

    I too have a wonderful wife who, although I don’t like to admit it, is “vanilla” at her core and that won’t change. She engages in my kink because she loves me, wants me to be happy and enjoys both my reactions and some benefits for her — however, she could leave it all behind in an instant without missing a thing. If I surprised her with something in a pubic space of any kind she would be upset. Privacy is huge for her. I keep reminding myself that our relationship is strongest when I truly put her desires first – then she seems more willing to consider indulging in mine.

    Love your blog

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I think the surprise worked against you. And if you’re honest with yourself you chose the method of surprise because you knew there would be resistance by Angel. It boils down to a level of dishonesty. And that will always hurt your relationships. I know your desire to amp things up was not a bad thing, but you need to communicate far better in order to maintain trust and convince your Angel to move with you into a deeper bdsm relationship.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Your experience is very instructive for me as Angel and MrsL both come from strict Catholic upbringing.

    I have broached the subject of local groups and gotten the exact same reaction so I dropped it. She indicated she would let me go to one but I haven’t.

    I would like the name of the place outside Atlanta. I’ve always wanted to find a place like that and will show it to MrsL beforehand and find a nice quiet Sunday night to book if she agrees.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. C for now says:

    Maybe there is a way to a similar situation that she would be, or become, comfortable with. That avenue is worth exploring if and when she feels ready.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. C for now says:

    https://polldaddy.com/js/rating/rating.jsI rarely provide insight or thought here for a variety of reasons but I’m compelled to today.

    First, speaking is important. Giving voice to the problem or concern is the first step of seeing it TOGETHER and confronting it as a couple. The two of you “hiding” it is pointless as you both know it’s there.

    Silly, silly man, never, ever assume anonymity. I’ve walked into folks I knew on the other side of the planet! I can also think of more than a few that incorrectly assumed a hotel room in a different time zone was safe for a fling. Your presumption of why another would be there is good but it would be very unreasonable to totally discount her concern. If a time comes wherein you both have the desire though, do go. Do not let fear ruin your chance to enjoy life as a couple. Your world is your business. Never regret what wasn’t done while you were together, tomorrow is something hoped for but not guaranteed.

    You, inadvertently, hit on something rarely discussed in Bloglandia. In your world, she is the dominant. She is also part of a couple. A dominant’s consent is rarely discussed but it is important nonetheless. You put a lot of time, effort and energy into thinking about her. Your efforts on this trip are laudable. The grand finale was clever. But…., but it was a bridge too far for her now. Leaving was wise. Hopefully y’all grew and grow in the aftermath and, hopefully, you look back with fond memories on the whole of the vacation. Most importantly, I hope it brings you closer, gives both of you a stronger voice and leads to more memorable fun.

    Good luck sir.

    Liked by 2 people

    • pcguy0681 says:

      Wow, good stuff–thank you for the very thoughtful comments! I’m happy that my writing “compelled” you to share your thoughts on it! 🙂

      First, you’re right, it is a very small world and you never do know where you may run into someone you know, regardless of how far away from home you travel. I’d never 100% guarantee to not run into someone at a place like that, but under the circumstances the chances of it were very close to zero, especially compared to relatively a much higher probability of it at a local event back home.

      You’re also quite right about a topic that I hadn’t actually thought about or intended as part of this post: Consent! Overall in our relationship, Angel is the Dominant, but as I mentioned in a previous comment here she is also the less experienced in the lifestyle. Sometimes (as in this case), I may accidentally push her too far into that role and it’s more than she can handle at this point in her life. I think my biggest mistake was not talking to her first about possibly spending a night in that kind of environment, and actually getting her consent from the get-go. She may not have given it, which subconsciously may be what I was afraid of and why I didn’t ask, but at least it would have helped to have had the conversation much earlier and saved the grief of that night…

      I do think that ultimately we will both learn and grow from the experience, and if Angel does ever get to a point where she is willing to try something like that then we can revisit it then. Or if she doesn’t, it is her choice and I won’t be trying to “force” anything like that on her again!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. mrbillsails says:

    Although we have never had quite this opportunity, I have fantasized about going someplace like this. Unfortunately, I could just imagine my wife reacting exactly the same, right down to the Catholic guilt trip. The depth of communication that is possible with this lifestyle is something we never would have found otherwise, and it just keeps increasing too.
    Thanks for taking the time to share this.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. naughtynora says:

    Wow! It sounds like you have learned a lot from this experience. Being pretty new to the scene myself, I’ll share with you something that a much more experienced sub here on WordPress shared with me. Be careful of pushing too fast. Your need to experience being submissive and exploring different kinks will probably develop at a much faster pace than her new role as the holder of your chastity key. If you are able to slow the pace down a bit, you might find that as she gets more comfortable she just might surprise you. Take that with a grain of salt, it may or may not apply to you two. But for me, when I stopped pushing my husband to dominate me in more and more ways, he really started to come into his own and bring his own ideas to our new D/s dynamic (which is way better for both of us!). I’ll look forward to hearing about more of your adventures and I hope the next one is more mutually satisfying for you both. Take good care 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    • pcguy0681 says:

      That is actually very insightful, thank you very much! I realize that I do probably push things quite a bit sometimes, even from the bottom. This is mainly due to the fact that overall I do have quite a bit more experience with this lifestyle than Angel does. She’s not exactly one to do a lot of Googling on topics like that, and as I said she doesn’t come out to Munches, play parties, etc. with me at all. So if there’s something new that I would like to experience with her, I tend to have to be the one to initiate it.

      That’s one nice thing about being somewhat of a Switch! In some cases I can just start by topping her, and just do whatever it is I would like to try on her first. If she doesn’t like it, of course I will stop. But then later, at least there’s a framework where I can ask her to do the same type of thing to me. Or in other cases if it’s something that isn’t really feasible to do with her on the bottom first, then I’ll just have to ask her to try an action on me and just sort of hope she figures out what I’m asking for and can take control of the scene without too much further input from me as the submissive.. In those cases I do have to be careful not to expect too much and just let it go if she doesn’t exactly do it “right!”

      That is very good advice to just relax a bit and let her surprise me with taking charge in other ways, I just think in general she may not really know HOW to do this unless I at least give her some limited exposure to different things along the way. IF/when she might ever take control of the things I’ve already shown her, and even start adding in her own ideas to go along with it, I will be more than happy to stop trying to half-drive our scenes from the bottom and just get lost in her Dominance! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  8. nijntje says:

    I find writing very helpful in putting my thoughts in place too (even if it doesn’t make sense to anyone else reading, not saying that is the case here!!)

    I’m sorry your evening didn’t turn out as you hoped, it sounds like it would have been a lovely adventure! You did get to experience her inner most thoughts and feelings however and being that close and open with each other is something to be celebrated too! 😀 Even in the difficult times.

    Liked by 3 people

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