Reader Question: Getting Wife [more] Involved in Chastity

Posted: April 24, 2017 in Be Careful What You Wish For, Chastity, Fetish, Key-Holder, Kinky, Male Chastity, Orgasm Denial

I had some more great questions come in from a new reader, regarding (among other things) how I brought my wife on board with male chastity and “convinced” her to keep me locked for longer periods.

bigdaddyb wrote:

I haven’t read through all of your posts (just found the site today) but I have a few questions as I have been trying to figure out how to get my wife to be interested in chastity play.

1. How did you bring it up to your wife and did she show interest right away or did you have to slowly work into it?

2. How long did she lock you up for to begin with? (I read about your current status and lengthy lock up with enjoyment and excitement).

3. Did you have to tell her not to let you out/deny you at first? or did she take to it right away and keep you in? I ask this one because even though I have told my wife how much the thought of T&D in chastity excites me – including the denial part – she still hasn’t kept me locked more than 4 days so far.

4. Did your wife always enjoy her wand or is it something she had to get use to? I bought my wife a wand and a rabbit vibe based on everything I had read thinking that she would enjoy them and that would be a means for her to orgasm while keeping me locked but she has not shown interest in them saying that “they don’t do anything for me”.

5. Does she keep the keys hidden or does she wear one on a necklace/anklet/bracelet?

Thanks in advance for any answers/input. I’m hoping that she will eventually see the fun that can be had for her by being a more strict keyholder.

bigdaddyb, thank you very much for the questions! Much of this is scattered around various parts of my blog but I will do my best to put together some answers here along with some links back to other relevant posts in case you would like to read further into my past experiences in these matters!

    1. The story behind how I first introduced chastity to Angel, can be found here:
      [First Time Key-Holder]Looking back… yea I’m quite sure I wasn’t exactly the most smooth when it came to revealing my chastity desires to my wife. And we definitely had to take it slow. This was all brand new territory for her, and I think it took a little while for her to digest that this really is a “thing,” and that I really wanted to be locked up for her! But over time, it has all worked out quite nicely! It sounds as though you have at least already taken the difficult step of talking to your wife about it, so congratulations–you may have already completed the hardest part! 🙂
    1. In the beginning, she did not keep me locked particularly long at all. Anywhere from a few days to maybe a week at a time, then I would often be out of it for at least a couple weeks afterwards until I decided to lock myself back up again and give her the keys back. Some of that story can be found here:
      [Getting More Into Key-Holding]
    1. No, as I mentioned Angel definitely didn’t really take completely to the idea right away, but she was always a sweetheart and would indulge me anyway! I would have to ask her to keep me denied, but in the heat of the moment–when she really wanted real, penetrative sex–that was very difficult to do and she would normally just go ahead and let me out anyway. The first time we went a particularly long time (not counting after we had a baby, when she wasn’t cleared for sex anyways), was when I kind of “forced” the issue myself by securing the keys in a lockbox and uploading the combination (unknown to either of us) to a key-holding site, [CarliLock]. That experience can be found here:
      [The CarliLock]That was definitely interesting, as for the first time in a way we were BOTH being denied for about two full months! But over that period, Angel did get to see first hand how she could still have all the pleasure she wanted by other means, and being able to help her to orgasm really did *almost* as much for me as having one for myself! Gradually, Angel has definitely come to realize how fun it is to say “NO,” and has become rather [Hooked on Key-Holding]!
    1. Angel actually took to her Hitachi Magic Wand pretty quickly. I bought it for her, and just kind of pulled it out and started using it on her myself once while I was locked. She was never much for getting HERSELF off (though that has been changing somewhat recently as well) but she never really had much of an issue with me using things like that on her. It didn’t take long to realize that the very strong vibrations that this thing generates are by far the easiest way for Angel to orgasm quick and often! That is our go-to toy for at least a little while almost every time that she needs some relief and still wants to keep me locked!
    1. No, Angel still doesn’t really hide the keys at all, which to be honest does kind of bother me a little bit sometimes.. She tends to just keep them completely available in her nightstand drawer, easily accessible for any time she feels like using them. I get that part of it, but it does effectively leave them easily accessible to ME as well, which in a way kind of defeats part of the purpose of chastity if I have the ability to let myself out of it without my key-holder’s knowledge. Mind you I don’t DO that without her knowledge, but it is definitely an exercise in [Self Control].I kind of think that at some point within the next couple months or so I may try to have a conversation with Angel about that very thing and see if we can work out some way to keep the keys nearby and easily accessible for HER, but still completely impossible for ME to get to without her knowledge and consent.

For some final thoughts: I don’t know how long you’ve been trying to get your wife more involved in your chastity, but I think one key component is to not just tell but SHOW her what kind of benefits SHE can get from having you locked! It’s not a race, and everyone is different in how they may react to things like this. There are some women I’m sure who would just not be the least bit interested in this kind of activity, and there’s probably not much anybody could do to change their mind.. But as you’ve already brought it up and your wife hasn’t just completely rejected the notion at this point, there is probably still hope!

Just take it slow and let things happen at her pace. Remember that you’ve probably had this great fantasy in your head for a long time (all the way down to how she gets her own orgasms while you’re denied and if she hangs the key on her necklace for a constant tease..) It will take her some time to catch up to you but if/when that happens I hope it is as fun & rewarding of an experience for you guys as what Angel and I have gotten to!

Good luck! 🙂

  1. tsl says: a bedside pistol safe with a quick-release lock.

    Cheap ones can be had at Harbor Freight or Amazon. Amazon even has electronic versions that would accept her fingerprint – no combo required. She can just reach over and touch it to open. Most are sized to be hidden in the nightstand drawer.

  2. I think it takes a while for our wives to “get” this denial thing. Currently I’m 107 days since orgasm. And my wife has finally got it. But she still said to me the other day after I had helped her to orgasm, “I have a hard time understanding this desire to be denied! Orgasms are so wonderful”. I just set about trying to give her another. lol. But the guilt for denying me is largely gone now. Good answers for this guy. I agree that he seems to have already accomplished the hardest part of chastity. Now he should allow his hunger for his wife to show and that might help sell longer caged times. Also if he keeps a journal that she reads it can open new lines of communication!

  3. pcguy0681 says:

    Heh, if anyone notices, sorry for some of the poor formatting in my response here (lack of spacing between some sentences/paragraphs, etc.) Apparently WordPress thinks it knows HTML better than me, and keeps making auto-changes to my numbered list which make no sense… Anyway I was tired of fighting it and decided to go ahead and publish the post anyway! 🙂

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