Reader Question: Introducing New Toys in Bedroom?

Back to the mailbag for another reader question!  Keep them coming folks, I’m more than happy to chime in on pretty much any chastity and/or kink related question you can throw my way! 🙂

Anonymous writes:

Dude you are the shit, and I thank you. I just wanna run a couple of things by you to get your thoughts.

I’ve always been really kinky I enjoy femdom, I worship women. My wife however not so much. I really don’t get how if someone wants to worship you, you don’t take advantage of it. She will indulge me from time to time though when she wants a few things done around the house and I make Damn sure I go far beyond her expectations and she will sort of reward me by tying me to the bed and giving me a bit of tease and denial, but it’s always about me when I want to worship her……..

Long story short a couple of years ago she found a male chastity device online and showed it to me and it pretty much gave me an instant hard on, but I was to afraid to say anything……. Unfortunately….. Fast forward to the about a week ago when we hadn’t had sex in a week or two because you know life…. I was feeling horny as hell! I grabbed her and pulled her down touching and feeling her and she states I should keep you horny all the time….. Well something tripped inside me and I’ve decided to give this a try I ordered a cheap chastity device online to give it a try before sinking $$ into it.

So my question is: I’ve always had a problem with cumming to fast so I’ve offered to go down on her or getting a magic wand or even a cock sheath but she doesn’t seem to respond to any of them.  Any other things you have tried to maybe make up the difference?

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Hello there, and thank you for reading! First of all, congrats on the decision to take the plunge and give chastity a try! My prediction is that once you get seriously into it, your only regret will be NOT taking advantage of it a couple years ago when your wife first brought it up! 🙂

That being said though, based only on what you’ve revealed here I think you’re in a really good place with her. A stage that I suspect many guys out there would LOVE to be in with their significant others! That’s great that you want to worship her so much (exactly how I feel with Angel), but the fact is a lot of women just aren’t really into that sort of thing. They may be afraid of losing the big, strong, “manly man” that they fell in love with back in the day. Or maybe they’re afraid of what any of your combined friends/family/acquaintances might think they were to find out. Or any number of other reasons. The fact that she will indulge you anyway from time to time is already a great step in the right direction though! You definitely have the right idea to just keep taking things “far beyond her expectations.” You can’t just tell her what’s in it for her, you must SHOW her!

Not just with chores around the house, either. It’s also important (maybe ESPECIALLY important??) to let her see that you want her to be in charge in bed, and what kind of benefits she can get from THAT! Make sure she orgasms first and foremost, multiple times if possible. Try foregoing your own orgasm for an entire night. Even a week or longer! Let her see that she doesn’t have to feel guilty or “cruel” about denying you; that her getting off is just a new and different way for you to get off yourself, vicariously THROUGH her! It seems like that will be a pretty easy sell in your case, especially given how she was the one who initiated the whole chastity thing from the beginning!

As for going down on her or introducing some toys and such… Please take my advice as a grain of salt here because this certainly may not work for everyone–but in my opinion that has always been more of an “ask forgiveness, not permission” type of thing. Although in my case I’ve never really had to ask forgiveness from Angel either, because as soon as I start trying something new with her and see how much she enjoys it, she’s generally right on board pretty quickly! Start just getting her all worked up with your fingers or any other way you normally do. See how wet she’s getting and declare that you just HAVE to have a taste of that, and go for it! Sometimes fewer choices are better, even when she’s the one who’s supposed to be “in charge.” As long as she doesn’t pull you back up, you’ll know she’s enjoying herself and may just ask for more of it later! I did the same thing with Angel’s magic wand.. I spent a lot of time getting her going by more well known and “traditional” means, then just whipped it out from under the mattress one night and finished her off quick and hard! Rather than asking permission to use this giant vibrator as long as her forearm, I just let her FEEL it first! By the time she saw exactly what it was, it was already well on its way to being rather affectionately known as her “best friend!”

I even did the same with a strap-on dildo over the top of my cage… I let Angel experience the closeness of having me on top grinding into her just like real sex, only I could hit harder and deeper than I ever could when unlocked, and could keep going (and going, and going, and going…) Needless to say that’s now one of our favorite activities as well! 🙂

But the bottom line is that if I hadn’t shown Angel first hand how much fun some of these things could be, she would probably never have gotten into any of them. Angel is yet to suggest much of anything (new) in this regard, but is quick to go back and ask for some of her favorites that I’ve introduced her to. She knows that she can ask (or order!) me into any position and I will gladly comply without any expectation whatsoever of ever getting to orgasm myself! She was very unsure of herself with this at first, but the more that I’ve not only told her but SHOWN her how much better her orgasms are than mine, she has become much more comfortable over the years with denying me!

So I hope that helps… I feel like I may have gone at least a little bit off topic in places but that’s pretty much my two cents worth! If you have any other comments, questions, or just want to keep me posted on how things are going with you, I ALWAYS welcome feedback! 🙂