Discussion Board
Please Note:
In order to have a slightly more organized forum for discussions like this, we are going to be moving this to a FetLife group by the same name as my blog:
Thrill of the Chaste
https://fetlife.com/groups/165676
I am still working out the particulars, but do know that you will need to have a FetLife login in order to participate… If you already have one feel free to look me up, and if not I strongly encourage you to do so! But you can ALWAYS still leave comments on any post of my blog as well, without having to ever log in to Fet.
Thank you,
-Pcguy
This page is reserved for any general chastity related questions, discussions, or comments that may not necessarily fit on specific blog posts.
Please keep in mind that this IS a moderated forum. All comments are welcome, even if you are disagreeing with something I have said, and will be allowed un-edited on my pages as long as they adhere to these simple ground-rules:
- Be polite
- Be non-offensive
- Be non-judgmental
- Be aware that any posts not adhering to items 1-3 will be removed/blocked at MY discretion only
- Be aware that anything posted on these pages becomes fair game to possibly be quoted elsewhere in the blog, again at my discretion
I’m not asking for much, right? 🙂
Hello, my Mom has kept me safely locked up in a small steel chastity cage for nearly 4 years now. I get 1 monthly checkup with a supervised release by her hands or instructions only. She has recently asked me to display my cage to some of her friends & said that if I do, she will grant me an extra release, but while they watch too. If I don’t comply I will be kept locked away for an extra month. What should I do? This is a new level for us both.
https://polldaddy.com/js/rating/rating.jsI’m considering chastity as a self imposed solution to reduce masterbation, porn, and clear my mind. Has anyone done it for this reason?
I have a friend that will hold the key and keep me accountable. My goal is to make it 365 days.
Suggestions and thoughts are appreciative.
Hi, Juan! Thank you for writing. I have created a new blog post for this topic, so you can find my answers to your questions here:
https://thrillofthechaste.net/2018/02/05/reader-question-chastity-for-self-help/
I hope that helps! Feel free to keep me posted on your progress!
Hi I am a submissive male have been all my life we are in a long distance relationship Mistress is black African we have a very loving relationship but kept locked 24/7 this last time for 12 weeks we don,t have any other person in the relationship and have no plans to change it you only get out of it what you put in like any other relationship Airports can give you some problems for us but you can always find a way round it enjoy what you have
yeah! fair enough! yeah i myself am totally under the control of Goddess Lynn,i just became her slave and she’s already got me hotter than a boiler room rat.lol!
she’s a very dominating Lady that has taken over my world.
to be perfectly honest i’d love to be apart of her movies/stories,and she really instills fear in this slave. there are’nt to many things i’m honestly afraid of but it’s just the way she’s taken over my world that just scares the hell out of me.
the Lady’s simply awesome…
I hear some people are wearing the CB6000S for 30+ days, and I am trying to find out if I can find the right combination of ring or spacer size to make it comfortable. I have tried different ring sizes and spacer sizes and just can’t get it to work. I am currently in process of healing after 12 days. I endured it for a while but my testicles are very sore and red. My biggest problem is at night….the darn thing is like a pit bull when I get an erection. The CB6000S has about 1″ of free space when at my most flaccid, so I can get a good partial erection….but, when I do the ring digs in and wakes me up and it does not subside until I walk around and lose my erection.
I have a Mature Metal with the dimensions of 1.5″ cage length. 1 1/4″ diameter, and since my testicles are high in tight instead of hanging I went with 1/2″ spacer. However, I wanted the CB6000S to work now and as a back up. So I think this leads me to following questions:
1. Is my problem likely and adjustment issue or an overall size issue because the cage is to big.
2. I am new to chastity, does my body have to become “accustomed” to the chastity device in order to endure longer lock ups.
3. If number 2 is not an issue have people found the custom made units more bearable for times of 30-60 days?
4. If you have suggestions for using the CB6000s for 30+ days, I’d like to hear them.
I have a chastity question. My smaller package always tends to turtle or invert when in my cage. This does sometimes make it quite easy to wiggle it out and put it back in without removing the device. Currently my mistress has me in a holy trainer new version. Is there a better device to use to prevent escape without a piercing? What is the best choice to try? Thanks
Hi Matty, thanks for reading and posting here! I’m not sure that I’m going to be much help on that particular topic, but I think it’s a fairly common question, so it’s possible somebody else reading here may have some better input. My first thought is that in cases like this it’s probably not likely that any “stock” devices on the market will be much good.. They tend to be fairly one-size-fits-all, with only slight variations in length, etc. So you really might be better to try the custom-built direction. Yes it’s a little bit more costly up front, but if you could find one that actually WORKS, I think it would be well worth it!
Really probably the ultimate device for your situation would even be a full belt, where you don’t even have to worry about the old “ball trap” method of securing everything. But I know those can be pretty intimidating to even think about, especially when you start considering hygiene, etc. if you want to keep it on for a very long term. I would highly suggest getting in touch with one or more of the manufacturers of custom devices and ask the same question that you posted here. Mature Metal would be one good place to start in the U.S., or I know there are others in Germany, Australia, etc. The people who have been making these things for a while have surely been asked that same question on multiple occasions, and can probably give the best advice for what they’ve seen work or not work.
Like I said, I’m not sure I’m really much help there, but if I tried to come up with any better answer I feel I’d be talking way over my head and not from my own experiences at all. So if anybody else DOES have a similar situation and can offer any more advice than that, please feel free to chime in! 🙂
Thanks again,
If therapists recommended them I would still be married to my first wife.
Hi Bob, thanks for the comment! I’m a little curious, since you brought it up–I’m assuming you are saying that if a therapist had recommended a chastity device, then it might have had the potential to help and/or save your first marriage? If you don’t mind my asking, would this have been seen as a way to give her more control and possibly bring the two of you closer together? Or more of a “punishment” for past indiscretions and a way to prevent future ones?
If I’m getting too personal and making wrong assumptions, please accept my apology and feel free to decline comment, I’m just curious about the type of marital situation that you think this could have solved!
Cuckolding really is playing with fire. My wife finally agreed to go along with putting me in a chastity device (CB-6000) about a year ago which has really brought us closer together and has made me much more submissive which she has really enjoyed. Things were really enjoyable.
About three months ago, I finally convinced her to cuckold me with my best friend who was recently divorced. I never really thought she would do it. I had joked around with my buddy about it, but nothing really serious. The three of us went out to eat and for a few drinks after. The three of us were feeling it pretty good, especially my wife.
We came back to our house where the flirting between the two of them were actually making me jealous which wasn’t what I hadn’t expected. He started joking around that he didn’t need to use condoms anymore since he had a vasectomy a few years ago (I hadn’t had sex with my wife in about a year, but before that always used condoms). This comment was a like a punch to my stomach as I was kind of regretting of what I had brought up to each of them about them hooking up.
I went to the bathroom, when I came out they were making out on the couch. Clothes starting coming off, next thing I knew he was having sex with my wife right on the couch in front of me. I was so stunned I didn’t know what to do. Next thing I knew he picked her up and took her to our bed and locked the door to our bedroom. I could hear her through the door which pretty much made me want to puke. I heard my friend leave about 6 in the morning.
The next morning, my wife told me that I needed to thank her for what she did. The two of them have become very close, actually close on an emotional level which has made me jealous, but I am afraid to say anything since this my idea. You should really think about what you ask for, you might actually get it. Basically, I went from having sex with my wife once a week, to being in a chastity device to my best friend having sex with my wife 2 times a week. If I had the chance to do again, I wouldn’t do it.
Any advice for me to get out of this mess that I actually asked for.
From: Depressed husband, what was I thinking
I think you absolutely have a right to speak up. Anything new needs a “check-in” between a partners afterwards to see if it worked for all involved. This dynamic is not working for you. You are just being cheated on now, this isn’t ‘kink play’ for you if you don’t get something out of it. Speak up for your needs and your marriage.
Yes, I completely agree with Enigmatic Amor here… It may have started off as a kinky fantasy, but if reality doesn’t come anywhere close to meeting the expectations of your fantasy, then it should talked about and (hopefully) stopped. It may work for some couples, as evidenced by another reader’s previous comment on this subject, but clearly is not for all. I don’t think I’d be able/willing to handle a relationship like that either, nor would Angel (I think, anyway) want to..
Thank you Egnimatic Amor and pcguy, I appreciate the advice. I plan on having a discussion with my wife, but I do have some problems to overcome.
I had gone out for a few beers with my best friend about a month ago, I think he was trying to go along with the cuckold fantasy and get me into it with his words, but what he was saying was actually upsetting me which I did a good job of keeping from him. He basically was telling me how great the sex has become with my wife and how she pretty much is addicted to his big package. He was telling me how she was saying the sex with him was the best she ever had, and how he was much bigger than me. He let me know it was just great sex for him, and he didn’t plan on breaking up our marriage so I should just go along with what I had asked for. He also mentioned that the two of them were sending a ton of texts back in forth every day and he felt she was really liking him on an emotional level. Emotional level wasn’t supposed to be part of this for them, this was supposed to bring me and my wife closer together on an emotional level.
My wife wasn’t really a big fan of my best friend when we got married. All of her friends thought he was complete stud and was one good looking guy. Obviously this has changed as she has pretty much fallen for him. Basically, she thinks he is a much better looking guy than I am, she is attracted to him physically, per my best friend she thinks he is better in bed, they communicate all day by texting each other, he makes her laugh, they have discovered they have many of the same interests such as the same books, restaurants, enjoy the same sports etc.. Not sure how I am going to get back control of this situation. They have connected strongly on how a physical and emotional level. The emotional level is what is really bothering me, since this is what was supposed to bring me and my wife closer. Regretting what was my idea to start with. I believe my friend that he has no plans to break up our marriage, but he is enjoying the sex too much to give it up which really bothers me. My wife glows after being with him, which feels like a punch to the gut each time they hook up for sex.
Hey, I am truly sorry to hear that you are going through this. I’m no marriage counselor, nor do I have any experience myself to even ACT like I know what that must feel like for you, so take anything I say as a grain of salt; but this sounds to me like something you need to work out with your wife first, and frankly the friend should butt out..
I CAN completely understand doing things for the sake of making your wife happy. We do things like that all the time–with me locked in chastity HER happiness is what comes first, but I am still involved at all times, and seeing her that happy is truly what makes ME happy as well! If this arrangement is hurting you as much as you say, then she should know that. At that point, if she still insists on going through with something that isn’t beneficial to both of you as a whole, then I would guess there are much deeper issues in play… Would I be out of line to suggest seeking out actual, professional counseling?
Back to your friend, if you’ve talked to him about it and he has such little respect for you that he will continue to do this anyway, that doesn’t sound like a very good friend to me.
Again, just my two cents… take it as you will… and Good Luck!
I haven’t been around a chastity site for years. Some of our old marriage problems came up in therapy and its been kind of brutal. So. I thought about chastity and what happened with us. And I have wondered how I ever developed an interest in male chastity? I was married for quite a few years. At the time Sex wasn’t ok. We had tried some mildly kinky stuff. Toys and watching some adult videos and things got pretty intense but then… Then things got cold. Me getting intimate started turning into mostly her starting an argument and we didn’t get intimate. Like at all. I tried making a date (Something always happened) or it would be the argument thing. I felt less and less wanted. I actual felt like shit. That I must be a jerk or was doing something wrong. Some of the arguments were about me not doing this or that around the house or not being interested in anything but sex. So… I thought maybe male chastity would prove that this wasn’t true and maybe it would help me change for the better.
And unlike those that want total orgasm denial or ruined orgasm I was hoping that maybe without so much pressure – doing more things to make her happy and let sex be on her terms it would make the little to nothing sex life into something. I mean anything would be an improvement. So I explored the ideas that are brought up about it making you more interested in her and her pleasure etc. I told her what I had read and she was VERY into the idea. We even brought it up in couples therapy (Another way we were trying to make things better) The Therapist wasn’t familiar with the concept and we focused on the standard couples problems and solutions. My wife seemed much happier in therapy and said how I already was doing so many things around the house (before getting an actual device) and acting so much more caring. Which all sounds great eh? So I mail order some plastic CB gadget. I’m trying to figure out how to fit into one without much success until I tried the nylon stocking trick. Once in it I found a test run of a few hours was just bad. I worked up to a day and it was different shades of mostly terrible. Some of you complain of these being too big? I must have been doing it wrong.
So while I’m working out practical issues we continue to go to couples therapy. My wife is pretty happy with me for once and how I’m taking care of the house and being super adoring to her and of course letting her run the when and how sex department which was next to never. Since we seemed to be in a good place I bring up what I think is a paranoid issue nagging me which is a weird feeling I get when she is around or talks about our friend from Church. Up until then I had make some comments to her which always resulting in angry responses about how that was awefull that I was a jerk to think things like this but mostly I was insane because of all these things she could list that made anything going on between them impossible. And I bought into this. I thought it was much more likely I was paranoid. So… it was really shocking when the therapist got her to admit I wasn’t insane and that they had been having a hard core affair for quite some time.
I wasn’t insane up until that moment. Since then? Well…. Kinda crazy. I felt like a super moron to have come up with this great system for them. To unhappy husband. I want to say that your not alone. You may have (sort of) asked for it where as I fell for it but we ended up in about the same place.
I get how this sucks. Whatever is going on with them? Focus on taking care of yourself. Maybe talk to your Doctor about this and perhapes talk to someone who does therapy. I know it helped me.
You might find this link helpful. Its all free reading. Beyond affairs is interesting because it involves a couple that think having an open marriage is a great idea but the guy who came up with the idea didn’t like the reality. So your not alone! Anyway it has a happy ending. You might want to check out a BAN meeting.
Check it out.
http://www.dearpeggy.com/booklist.html
Good luck I wish you the best.
Cuckolding is playing with fire, and not for everyone, but so far it is working for us. For us, the reality has been better than when it was a fantasy.
We’ve played with female dominance/male submission for a number of years, and my wife is comfortable with sex being all about her (sometimes she just falls asleep after her orgasm, sometimes she more actively denies me with CBT and nipple play). Like others in this thread, I lose my submissive feelings about half the time I come, and she sometimes openly regrets allowing my orgasm (I come 2-3x per month, she 10 times). I call it an orgasm hangover.
This afternoon her “playmate” will come over for sex. He is about 15 years younger and better endowed than me. I’d like to eventually participate in a MFM threesome, but she is not ready for that yet. She’s played with him 3 times so far, the last time was in a hotel and after he left I joined her for some reclamation sex. It was hot!
She still doesn’t fully get why this turns me on so much (I am definitely not allowed to play with others). But it’s super exciting for her. She gets a different sexual experience, increased confidence, and the thrill of being pursued by a younger more virile male (the last time he went two rounds, which is something I can no longer do) while at the same time having her loving husband fawn over her.
I get a submissive kick out of it (she did not allow reclamation sex last time and has denied me until they copulate a second time), love her added confidence, and she just seems more sexual to me now. I literally can’t keep my hands off of her – it’s like when we are dating. Oh, and she was reluctant to ever talk about sex, except now….our communication has gone through the roof! If you can talk to your hubby about the fun hotel sex you’ve had with your boy toy, you can talk to him about anything!
We both have a “veto” power over this. So far we are enjoying it a lot. She’s played with one other male, and is talking to another possible playmate. Probably the most surprising thing is how difficult it is to find/schedule a parter for her. She’s pretty picky.
There are some “problems” in the sense that my wife gets pretty crushed when a playdate gets cancelled, and she sometimes has “boyfriend problems”. But we are definitely enjoying the ride!
Awesome, thanks for sharing! Yea… I don’t believe that would ever really work or be a good thing for Angel and I, but if it works for you guys more power to you! (To her, at least! Lol) Congrats!
First off want to say I love the site and have enjoyed the information and insight. I came across the site a couple months ago. My wife and I first started chastity play about a year ago, although it has been here and there. In the beginning she seemed very hesitant but we ended up going to an adult store one night and I mentioned it and so we ended up getting one of the standard metal cages which was ok but obviously generic and not very comfortable and too big. I have heard a lot about mature metal and have considered it just haven’t quite made the jump yet until I’m ready and have that kind of money. Although in bed while playing my wife and I talk about it and fantasize about long term lock up, as soon as I finish I instantly lose any interest in it and don’t feel the need to talk about it or bring it up to her for a couple days. I wonder if this is common and how you overcame it? I have also fantsised for a while about cuckolding, it is fun for my wife and I to maybe role play, but is not something she would ever consider anytime soon, I wonder if you have ever considered this or talked about it with your wife? Keep up the great posts I enjoy reading.
Hi, Chris- Thank you so much for reading and for the nice comments! Also, thanks for utilizing the discussion board here! I think on my site at least, this is a really good place for these kinds of questions, but obviously the board has been a little stagnant and never really took off much after I started it..
Anyway, on to your questions: That’s a very good point, where a lot of times something might sound really hot as a fantasy in the heat of the moment–but as soon as you’ve had an orgasm and the moment is over, it doesn’t seem to be that interesting anymore.. I think that is probably a VERY common scenario, and my suggestion to get around it in this case would be to “practice” denial! Even if you don’t have a cage that fits very well right now, you could talk to your wife about helping HER to orgasm as much as she wants while not letting you get all the way there at all. After all, that’s basically what would be happening if you were locked! If you do this late at night sometime, then SHE can just roll over and go to sleep completely satiated, leaving you still horny, unfulfilled, and probably even a little bit frustrated… BUT the fantasy would still be alive and well at the top of your mind!
That might at least give you some idea of what it feels like to be locked–it’s like a never-ending ride, right on the edge of an orgasm… Of course when you’re unlocked there would be nothing other than the honor system to keep you from just going ahead and taking care of business yourself, and it would be up to you on whether to act on that or not. If/when you do get a good fitting device, then the balance of control would definitely tip more towards your wife, and it would be up to HER to decide when you are allowed out of it!
As for cuckolding… yea, I guess I can kind of see the appeal of it as a fantasy, but I’m quite sure it is not something that Angel would ever be on board with–and honestly I don’t really think I’d ever be truly OK with that either… We’ve really started enjoying having me use a strap-on with her, over the top of my cage, and that’s probably about as close as we’ll ever get to her being with another “larger” man. Heck, once I even jokingly nicknamed the strap-on “Richard” (a.k.a. “Dick”) just to make it seem like somebody other than myself. But when I’m on top of her with that, we both thoroughly enjoy the close intimacy with each other which is probably as close to “regular sex” as possible.. Being able to look each other right in the eyes, our hearts pretty much pounding right into each other, and she is completely filled up as I’m “thrusting” more and more into her. The only thing lacking is ME being able to completely feel the effects of that thrusting!
Perhaps someone else will have other insights/experiences to share with you on here. Good luck if you do end up deciding to go the custom chastity route! It is well worth it, in my opinion!
Yes, chastity makes my man never able to NOT think about me. And that’s the way I need him to be. Serving me and my carnal desires is his duty and role as my toy…
Dom Jen has it right!
My husband is an alpha male. I had the same experience, when I locked him up the first time the change was night and day. When I lock him up, he is submissive. I love that he only thinking of me.
My husband gets that way after he finishes. He loses interest in anything remotely submissive. We’ve even noticed that, while being forced to eat his cum makes him damn near throw up, if it’s a ruined orgasm, he has no problem with it. So it’s gone beyond just a mood, and is psychosomatic.
My answer is… tough. I still expect him to be my submissive, whether or not he’s “in the mood.” And while I know that his enthusiasm will dip for a couple of days, it doesn’t take much to get his mind back where I want it. Some light teasing, letting him see me in some sexy lingerie, and we’re good.
The other thing is that he doesn’t get to cum all that often. He’s kept in chastity, and when he’s not caged, we’re still on the honor system. And when he is allowed to cum, we both know that the dip in enthusiasm is just a passing mood, and not what he really thinks or how he really feels. So he just sucks it up and waits for it to pass. And again, if I’m in a generous mood, I can help make it pass faster.
The cuckolding thing I don’t know if I can give any advice on, since I was the one that pushed my husband into it, while he was reluctant. But while a traditional cuckolding scenario (me having sex with someone else while my husband watches/participates/whatever) hasn’t happened yet, it didn’t take long to get him into the idea. But we both know from experience that he should not be allowed to cum until at least the next day, once we’ve had a chance to talk about it, because of the huge difference in his mentality once he cums.
Awesome, great advice- thank you! Hopefully, Chris will see this and get some insider insights from your experiences as well!
There’s another good conversation happening on one of my blog posts (Let’s Talk About Long Term Chastity) which I thought might get better visibility and others can comment as they wish, here on the Discussion Board. It started off about different ways to practice “Chastity,” but is quickly becoming somewhat religious oriented again… Here’s where we are so far, and my response will follow!
Cara began this thread in response to my “Long Term Chastity” post, stating:
My first response was:
And here was Cara’s response where we started delving a little deeper into the Religious aspect of things…
I do agree with part of what you are saying. There is definitely a degree of hypocrisy there and I agree that allowing priests to marry might help with “some” of the issues, but probably not everything.
But on the other side (and I’m not defending the sex-offenders in the LEAST), I also cannot judge an entire group of men on the actions of a few (at least the few who have been publicly outed). I also can’t go so far as to say the priest’s don’t have a “real job,” as I do think that overall they do good work for the people in their respective communities who believe in that doctrine and “need” their guidance.
I’m not Catholic myself, but I do know a LOT of very devout Catholics who do practice what they preach every day (not just the “Go To Church on Christmas and Easter” variety), and they are some of the nicest, most generous, and hardest working people I know.
Again, I’m not trying to engage in a huge religious debate here–this is all strictly MY opinion.. I do like your last line about on one hand being told (within religion) to remain chaste, yet on the other hand saying to be fruitful and multiply! I’ll still maintain my position that a person should always do what works for YOU and YOUR FAMILY. If that means following to the letter everything that you hear at church on Sunday, then so be it. I can just never see the world as completely black and white, where even “personal preferences” have to be labeled as right or wrong. We all have to live in a grey area to some degree, and especially when you ARE in a committed relationship, when your partner has different ideas about things than you do there HAS to be some give and take to make things work!
Your blog interest me. I look forward to reading more of your posts.
This was originally posted by RichyAugustine on my About Me page. I think it’s a great topic for the Discussion Board though, so I went ahead and moved it over here before replying to it..
Hi, Richy- Thank you for the comments. I do appreciate your keeping an open mind and continuing to read my blog even though it wasn’t exactly what you were initially expecting. We may have a slight difference of opinion, but there’s no reason we can’t respect each other’s and have a rational conversation about it!
I grew up in a very ultra-conservative household, so I am well aware of the church’s stance on things like abstinence, chastity, etc. especially before marriage. I think that people can choose to be chaste for multiple reasons, religious or otherwise. In your case it is to “glorify God with your body,” though I’m not entirely sure I understand how that leads to also “glorifying your partner..” I think that might be where a difference comes in between being abstinent and being chaste. If you are dating somebody and the two of you choose abstinence until you are married, good for you! I can certainly see how in the eyes of the church that could be considered “glorifying” each other as well as God, and making sure you are getting married for the “right” reasons. Sex then, is just icing on the cake once you are married. A better example of chastity within religion (at least in my mind) would be the vows that a Priest or other clergy members might take to have absolutely no sexual relations at all, for the sake of glorifying God. That means that there is NO partner!
However, within a marriage there is no reason for a couple not to fully explore and enjoy their sexuality with each other. After all God did make us as very sexual creatures, right? You state that “it isn’t about not having a sexual desire, we all have them..” This is one point I do agree with! Even when I choose to be “locked” and chaste, it is still not about suppressing the sexual desire at all–rather, enhancing it! When I am in chastity and my wife is holding the keys, there is a closeness with her that cannot really be adequately described to anyone who has never experienced it. We still can and do have a very strong sexual relationship, and if anything it makes our marriage even that much stronger!
To summarize: my wife and I do not practice chastity for religious reasons, as clergy would do, and as a married couple we also do not practice abstinence. I think I’ve written somewhere else on this blog before that “chaste sex” is still sex. Being chaste allows me to focus even more of MY sexual energy onto my wife, and BOTH of us benefit greatly from it! A good sexual relationship may not be an absolute requirement for all marriages (there are plenty of cases where it’s just not even possible for one reason or another) but it certainly does help!
Topic continued on blog post: Chastity as (in) Religion. Check it out!
That is awesome. Always wanted to put a submissive in chastity but never had the money for the device. I have also suggested chastity devices to parents for their children but most just give me crazy looks. Will enjoy following your blog.
Hi, thanks for the comment! While not necessarily a terrible idea, I suppose it would be a little difficult to “force” kids to wear such a device. Unless they could be convinced to willingly do it, it would probably end up being considered abuse or something in many circles!
Welcome to the “Thrill of the Chaste” Discussion Board! Feel free to share your own stories & experiences here in the comments section!
I love that you ask a discussion board. What a great idea on a blog.