Confessions of the UN-Chaste

Posted: August 22, 2018 in Chastity, Fetish, Kinky, Male Chastity, Orgasm Denial

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I’m still unlocked from my chastity device, 49 days and counting. I really should lock myself back up and give Angel the keys again but there’s just something holding me back this time that I’ve been trying to really put my finger on. I guess in a way I’m almost waiting for Angel to ORDER me back in, but that has never really happened yet in the years we’ve practiced male chastity so I don’t anticipate it now either. She HAS hinted strongly at it though… Said numerous times that she was surprised I haven’t locked myself back up yet. And says that I am much more horny when locked. But she will stop short of directly asking me to go back in, even if I ask her if those comments are meant to be a directive.

Truth be told I’ve been having a bit of fun while unlocked the last several weeks. Too much fun I suppose. A big part of me still desperately craves being locked back into my Jail Bird, unable to have any orgasms without Angel’s express permission. But then again since I’m free, I have to admit that sometimes temptation just gets the best of me. In the shower, naked, warm water rolling down my body, and a nice hard dick in hand… I can’t even say how many times I’ve probably jerked one off that way over the past month or so.

Worse yet, is occasionally waking up in the middle of the night or very early in the morning before Angel. She’ll be sound asleep next to me with no idea that I’m completely horny as hell! This may get a chuckle from some, or gasps of disgust from others but.. I’m sure most of you reading this have either seen or are at least aware of the tubesock scene from the movie “American Pie?” Hey don’t judge… It works! Pretty effective and relatively clean way of doing things too, as long as you don’t mind throwing socks away every once in a while! I usually have some that have gotten little holes in the toes and are bound for the trash can anyway, so no big loss.

Yes, I do feel bad about doing that behind Angel’s back. Sometimes literally, RIGHT BEHIND Angel’s back! There’s clearly a reason behind her observation that I’m “less horny” now. I don’t know how to tell Angel about this though. I don’t think I CAN tell Angel about this. Someday soon, I’ll just pull it together and get myself locked back up for her and things will get back to “our normal.” Someday, when/(IF) Angel ever reads my blog, then she will probably find out. I won’t be able to hide from what I’ve written in my personal (yet open to the world) diary. Angel knows probably 99% of what’s in here because she has lived it with me. And we’ve both gotten pretty good over the years of opening up about our feelings/needs/desires with one another; but there are still some things that are just much easier to reflect upon and put into writing than to actually talk about face to face–even with those we love.

I think this just kind of goes to show that chastity has become more than just a kinky sex game for us. It is definitely a complete lifestyle! I no longer just WANT to be locked in order to stay on the outer edge of horniness.. I NEED to be locked in order to maintain the level of happiness & control that Angel and I have become accustomed to over the last few years of our marriage!

In a way I almost can’t believe that I’m actually about to publish this to the world… but it’s super early in the morning here, I can’t really sleep right now for some reason (thought writing a little something might help), so I’m going to go ahead and hit the button now before I think too much about it! 🙂

Comments
  1. gky says:

    I think you should tell Angel that as it was she who took off the cage you need her help to get it back. 🙂 But it´s enough if she asks you to put it back.

    Like

  2. It is such a quandary. MrsL has left me unlocked more than locked this year. I have, as you noted, jerked off in the shower once. I’ve edged myself more times than I can count and have endured her making me edge myself inside her wonderful pussy!

    I want to be in her Steelheart and am waiting for her to order me in…which she will and has done.

    Best of luck in your wait!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. deepexplorations says:

    A whole other take…you’ve surrendered to her and you love to have an at least sexually female dominated relationship. The cage is a symbol, and while it is a mental boost for you, you clearly don’t need it to have fun, or to have your wife as the center of your sexual world. So, when the cage goes on you can resume your routine. Until then you can do all the kinky fun things you guys like to do, AND also enjoy your penis too.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hey, I just had a similar situation at my end….I got locked in chastity last week and will see how long it will last. I was previously locked for about a month and she had me doing things for her and she was enjoying it, but when I was unlocked she did not order me in it. I had to suggest her to lock me up again. It is interesting how sometime the female works.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. nijntje says:

    Have you told her that you need a direct order from her in order to lock back up? Not a hint or a suggestion but an out and out order? Perhaps you could start there. I think you really should be having a conversation about all of it BUT this would offer a start.

    I will often (well almost always in the beginning) write things out first and present the Bear a written piece to read and ponder before we talked. It allowed me to get my thoughts in order and then Him as well. By the time we got face to face there might still have been some nervous feelings but not one was overwhelmed and no one was in fear of what the ‘we need to talk’ might be.

    It certainly sounds like you are both craving it, you are letting this simple request stop you from being in your happy space. I say tell her you need an order, period.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Pelgris says:

    It’s the thoughts that we are most trepidatious about which most need to be shared. It sounds like you are lost in the sea of freedom and that is normal. I suppose the question is, which makes you feel more happy in the long run? You might try begging to be caged. If you’re Angel has been hinting there is clearly a desire. But she may need a push for you to get the order you are craving.

    Liked by 3 people

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