I’m still unlocked from my chastity device, 49 days and counting. I really should lock myself back up and give Angel the keys again but there’s just something holding me back this time that I’ve been trying to really put my finger on. I guess in a way I’m almost waiting for Angel to ORDER me back in, but that has never really happened yet in the years we’ve practiced male chastity so I don’t anticipate it now either. She HAS hinted strongly at it though… Said numerous times that she was surprised I haven’t locked myself back up yet. And says that I am much more horny when locked. But she will stop short of directly asking me to go back in, even if I ask her if those comments are meant to be a directive.
Truth be told I’ve been having a bit of fun while unlocked the last several weeks. Too much fun I suppose. A big part of me still desperately craves being locked back into my Jail Bird, unable to have any orgasms without Angel’s express permission. But then again since I’m free, I have to admit that sometimes temptation just gets the best of me. In the shower, naked, warm water rolling down my body, and a nice hard dick in hand… I can’t even say how many times I’ve probably jerked one off that way over the past month or so.
Worse yet, is occasionally waking up in the middle of the night or very early in the morning before Angel. She’ll be sound asleep next to me with no idea that I’m completely horny as hell! This may get a chuckle from some, or gasps of disgust from others but.. I’m sure most of you reading this have either seen or are at least aware of the tubesock scene from the movie “American Pie?” Hey don’t judge… It works! Pretty effective and relatively clean way of doing things too, as long as you don’t mind throwing socks away every once in a while! I usually have some that have gotten little holes in the toes and are bound for the trash can anyway, so no big loss.
Yes, I do feel bad about doing that behind Angel’s back. Sometimes literally, RIGHT BEHIND Angel’s back! There’s clearly a reason behind her observation that I’m “less horny” now. I don’t know how to tell Angel about this though. I don’t think I CAN tell Angel about this. Someday soon, I’ll just pull it together and get myself locked back up for her and things will get back to “our normal.” Someday, when/(IF) Angel ever reads my blog, then she will probably find out. I won’t be able to hide from what I’ve written in my personal (yet open to the world) diary. Angel knows probably 99% of what’s in here because she has lived it with me. And we’ve both gotten pretty good over the years of opening up about our feelings/needs/desires with one another; but there are still some things that are just much easier to reflect upon and put into writing than to actually talk about face to face–even with those we love.
I think this just kind of goes to show that chastity has become more than just a kinky sex game for us. It is definitely a complete lifestyle! I no longer just WANT to be locked in order to stay on the outer edge of horniness.. I NEED to be locked in order to maintain the level of happiness & control that Angel and I have become accustomed to over the last few years of our marriage!
In a way I almost can’t believe that I’m actually about to publish this to the world… but it’s super early in the morning here, I can’t really sleep right now for some reason (thought writing a little something might help), so I’m going to go ahead and hit the button now before I think too much about it! 🙂