This will be short and sweet (I think) and possibly leave some unfinished thoughts hanging out there, which isn’t usually my style of blogging. But here goes.
Through some wonderful folks I know through a local Munch that I attend as often as possible, I’m aware of some “Rope Bondage” classes that happen monthly in my city. I’ve been wanting to try one of these for quite a while but besides normally just being busy with other family things on Saturday afternoons, it has always been a tricky conversation to bring up to Angel. As I’ve written about before, she is always very open about trying anything between just the two of us behind closed doors at home, but being “out there” in a public venue in a situation regarding any kind of kink, is very far outside of her comfort zone.
I did bring it up to her for the first time last October, and tried to go to an “Intro to Rope Bondage” workshop back then, but she was clearly not really OK with me doing that plus we ended up with something else going on then too, so I dropped it. The Intro class is only offered once every few months, and I missed January as well but it is being held again this afternoon. I’ve been talking to Angel about it different times this whole week to feel her out and see if there was any chance I could possibly attend this time.
She’s still not really sure, and says it just “feels weird” to “send” me to something like that… I would MUCH rather have her right by my side at the event, but I know that’s not going to happen so I haven’t even tried that one. I asked if she was worried that I may end up cheating on her with someone from there or something like that? She said it’s not really that, it’s just… “weird…” I don’t really know how to respond to that to try and alleviate any of her fears!
I’ve told Angel that I’m absolutely NOT going to be doing anything with anyone else — she is definitely the only person I want in that regard! I just think something like this could be fun and interesting to try out at least once, and maybe pick up a trick or two that I could bring back and show HER in the bedroom tonight! Plus, as she knows well, I am definitely not always really the best in new social situations either. So this is really kind of pushing me outside of my own comfort zone a bit as well!
On a hunch, I went ahead and RSVP’d to the event earlier this week so I could at least secure my invite.. Finally this morning, Angel did (very hesitantly) tell me that I can go. She obviously still has some deep reservations about it but has given her blessing, at least on the surface. I asked if she was sure? Is she going to be sitting at home angry and upset with me for doing this? She admitted that no she’s not really SURE, but said she couldn’t really be “mad” at me since she was telling me that I could go ahead and go…
I really want to try this… I’d love to be able to come home and tell Angel how fun it was and maybe show her some of the new things I’ve learned, while reassuring her that this kind of “sexy time” is still only between US. It just helps to learn some different techniques like that from others who are far more experienced rather than just plodding around blindly hoping to eventually figure it out!
I just hope Angel does still see it as fun & games in the bedroom tonight and that I don’t pay a steep price in “relationship points” later… Ahh, nothing in life ever has an easy answer!!
https://polldaddy.com/js/rating/rating.js[…] can go back and read the full post plus comments HERE, but one side conversation left me wanting to write my thoughts in a lot more detail than I could […]
Probably not a popular opinion but she shouldn’t tell you you can go if she’s not willing to even pretend that she’s sure she’s fine with it. Sounds like deliberate guilt-tripping and I hate that 😦
I’m not saying she’s holding you back or being irrational. Hell, be irrational! Say, ‘No, I don’t want you to go because while I trust you not to cheat on me, I don’t trust anyone else and I’m going to feel a little jealous that your tying other people up in the class no matter how much you reassure me that it’s innocent.’ I don’t have a problem with that attitude. It’s the whole trying to make you change your mind so that it’s you choosing not to go, not her telling you not to go. Because she doesn’t want to be seen as being controlling.
And now you’re left wondering if you’re going to be in trouble when you’ve done nothing wrong. That’s not nice. And the heartbreaking thing is you will defend her against this tirade of mine because you are obviously a lovely, loyal person who would do anything for her and you don’t deserve to be in this position.
Hi Velma- It’s a fair point, thank you for the input! But you’re also correct in that I will defend her! 🙂
I don’t really think that Angel is trying to guilt trip me. True, if she’s really adamantly against it I would much rather just hear a firm “No.” Because [reasons… irrational or not]. But in this case I think that since she isn’t into this kind of thing and has no desire to go herself, she struggles with what I could possibly be getting out of doing things like this without her.
Though she’s not 100% sure about ‘letting’ me go, I’m glad that she does at least TRY to be open minded enough about it to not hold me back.
I really do appreciate your point of view and kind of boosting MY ego a bit! Lol Perhaps I am loyal to a fault, but I still love Angel very deeply and do not want to hurt her in any way. While I would much prefer that she come WITH me to a community event, if it came down to it I would give all of that up as opposed to losing her. (I really hope it never comes down to that!)
Anyway it seems like it worked out this time. Angel was still pretty playful with me that evening after I got home, so that’s a good sign that she wasn’t harboring some grudge and giving me the cold shoulder all night. I’m very happy we’re at a point where I can at least tell her about these things and ask her ‘blessing’ to go, as opposed to just going anyway behind her back!
Any reason that she has for having reservations about letting you go to something like that is perfectly valid. They are her feelings and we cannot help our feelings.
Just as long as she appreciates how open and honest you are being with her. I sincerely hope she is returning the favour by sharing what’s on her mind. I don’t think she’s playing mindgames with you on purpose; you don’t seem the type of guy who would stand for that sort of nonsense; but mixed messages can be so damaging to a relationship even if they aren’t intended.
She’s a very lucky woman to have someone so considerate of her. Though it’s clear to me that she already knows that since she is being perfectly nice to you now, as you say.
It’s a shame you can’t really share these interests. But that’s life, I guess. I wouldn’t ordinarily say that she should give it a go for your sake, but deep down that’s what I think she should do. But I’m only saying that because my husband has on multiple occasions joined me in doing something that I love that he couldn’t give a fuck about. Even if it’s just the once. It shows he’s willing to try.
https://polldaddy.com/js/rating/rating.jsAhhh, the pleasure of rope. Hope you enjoy it, and ultimately that Angel does too!
Angel is lucky to have a partner like you. I love my Sir too and I can’t wait to go to rope events. anyway, good luck.
Rope bondage is a huge interest of mine as well! There is no way we would ever end up in a class in public however. I have found some pretty informative videos on line, you might be able to introduce Angel to those?
We’ve actually learned quite a bit by using them and we don’t have to ‘out’ ourselves in the process!
Anyway, can’t wait to hear how it goes for you … jealous bunny wishes you luck and great fun! 😀
Thanks, I’ll be sure and do another little write-up afterwards.
Can I ask… what are YOUR reservations about a public class? I mean, the only ‘outing’ being done is to others with the exact same interests, right? This particular class is well vetted.. Not just anyone from the general public would be able to get in without being at least somewhat known in the local “scene” and getting an individual invite. Like, I couldn’t even bring Angel along unless I could at least get her out to a Munch first to meet some folks in the community!
How would you feel if your man asked to go somewhere like that without you?
Sorry so late getting back, we’re in the middle of a rain/ice storm and lost power! Anyway … back for now.
My biggest issue is the work I’m in, it really does not mix with kink, people around here are not very open minded so I’m pretty sure I would lose my job very quickly!
We had one sex shop in town and it really was not at all professional looking or a place I felt comfortable in, if that tells you anything. It turned into a drug paraphernalia store right after selling stuff like that became legal …. the only one in town like I said, if there is a ‘community’ here I hesitate to think what type of people are in it. That would be a major factor as well.
As to Him going without me, well at first I’m sure I would have been against it BUT after watching some videos on how to’s I saw that everyone was dressed and at ease about what they were doing. There was no underlying sexual energy in any of it. It was just a class like any other. People were casual and joking and working out how to do knots and rope work.
The subject matter might be of a kinky nature but no one is sexually charged while working it out, so that I think is what makes me fine with it! Should He ever choose to go without me, I don’t think I would mind now.
Thanks for elaborating on that, nijntje! I have a few other thoughts that I was starting to reply with, but it’s getting way too long for a comments section so I’m going to go with a whole new post around public involvement. Probably sometime AFTER a follow-up post about that rope class which was a very fun time! 🙂
Is angel aware that people at a rigging class are dressed and that everyone will be interested in the mentor and what they are doing and not watching her and you? If it is an introduction to ropes it will be mostly simple rope work? I wish you luck and if you can introduce it at home she might be pleasantly surprised and be very turned on.
I’ve tried explaining that yes, at least how I “think” the format would be – exactly as you described. I just can’t speak in too many certainties without the first hand experience to back up my words.
I DO hope to be able to introduce it here in a way she’ll enjoy with me, and maaaybee eventually be willing to explore and learn more about herself. Thanks for the note!