The next set of questions from my inbox is from a gentleman who has written to me before, and seems to happily be getting much more into the lifestyle with his wife lately. I always enjoy stories and questions like that, keep them coming!
Oh, and if you have not yet voted on your favorite Chastity Christmas tune, please do so here!
Ben (bigdaddyb) updated:
Appreciate reading your blog. And I appreciate you having turned my questions into a post and answering all of them. I wanted to give a brief update from back in April when I sent my initial message. [See previous post HERE ] While my wife hasn’t taken off as 100% domme/keyholder she has certainly begun on the path. Prior to last month after attempting to get her to do a bit longer of chastity play for almost a year and a half the longest she had ever kept me locked was 4 days. Regardless of my repeated requests for her to attempt longer periods between release. I don’t recall exactly how I brought up the subject but during a playfull text I said that “Locktober is coming up which is followed by No-vember”. She replied with a smiley emoticon and I didn’t hear anything else. That was – until Sept 25th came along. I had been uncaged for a few days and she told me I needed to go het her property caged in preparation for Locktober. It caught me off guard because she hadn’t said anything about it and the only mention I had given about it was almost a month prior.
When I did what she told me and handed her the key she said “Good pet, now we both have something to look forward to on my birthday”. Her birthday is on Oct. 20th. I had a moment of extreme excitement as she said that. But then I tried to play coy and said that she wouldn’t last more than 4 days before letting me out. Long story short – she didn’t keep me locked up the entire time – but she did last longer than she had ever before, 8 days. And she has locked me up for another 6 day period after that and then told me to lock up 3 days ago repeating that “it is Locktober so you need to be locked up a lot more”. It would appear that she is beginning to take a liking to things. Her favorite thing to do while I’m locked is to tell me to get “The Trainer” on (shock collar) so that we can lay in bed with each other and I can give her a full body rub.
A few follow up questions for you that I’m sure may be answered in some older posts but I haven’t been able to read through all of them as of yet:
1. Is there any punishment system between the two of you for bad behavior/breaking rules? That’s what I feel is a missing link with my wife and I as she merely tells me that I can’t go down on her as punishment if I do something wrong. But I don’t want my punishment to involve her limiting her pleasure. Wondering about some real life possibilities that others use (not the extreme things you sometimes see when perusing things like Tumblr)
2. Do you know what can and can’t get through a metal detector without setting it off? I have a Holy Trainer V2 and I have a metal cage (haven’t yet paid for a top end one – but it is working out OK so far) that I got off of Amazon from China. I would have to assume that a metal cage would set off all kinds of alarms at an airport security check. What about the small lock that goes with a Holy Trainer V2? I just feel that the plastic locks are cheesy and not a valid option but I also don’t want to have to have a search of that region by an airport security guard. 🙂
3. Do you have any books/blog recommendations that your wife has shown interest in that I might be able to share with my wife to further her interest? (aside from your blog of course – LOL)
I have other questions swimming around in my head but I’m a bit scattered and have to get going anyways. I appreciate your blog and your time in responding to me.
Thank you for you the great questions and continuing to read my blog! I’ve noticed many great comments you’ve left recently throughout different pages as well; I just apologize that you caught me during a VERY busy time in life so it has taken a while to get back with you! I will go through your questions one by one, though some I think you may have already found elsewhere on my blog by now..
1) This is a very interesting question, which may just garner its own post at some point after I have more time to really think about it… The bottom line is, NO. At least for now, Angel and I don’t really engage in “punishments” per se, at least in the literal sense of the term. We don’t really have any set rules that we (I) have to live by, lest I incur her wrath! Even being locked for long periods, it is definitely not all sexy times together–we still get on each others nerves from time to time and argue like probably any normal married couple. But if/when she’s angry with me she doesn’t take it out with a whip or any other real form of punishment. We’ll generally just skirt the issue for a while until we’ve both cooled down and had time to think about it, and eventually we’ll manage to talk through our disagreements. Being mad at each other is not something that either of us really ever enjoy, so we do tend to always try to avoid topics that are known triggers between us.
That being said though, when she DOES bring out the whip it’s usually during a sexy time when I may have even asked for it! I’m sure you’ve heard of “Funishments” before; that’s pretty much how I would refer to our sessions like that. I do love watching her get into the role and take charge, so I wouldn’t say it’s beyond the realm of possibility to give her more control of other areas of our lives as time goes by.
We don’t really live a full blown FLR as you may read about from others. Chastity is a constant 24×7 experience, but beyond that Angel’s full control really kind of stops at the bedroom door. I still handle the household finances, and have equal say in what we do and how we handle other situations with the kids, friends, etc.
But the bottom line is, DO figure out what works for you and your wife within this lifestyle! If you need or desire more structure and discipline (including punishments) throughout your daily life, then talk to her and see how she feels about it as well. You never know but what she may have some good ideas to incorporate too! The possibilities truly are endless and EVERYBODY will do things quite different, so never feel that you are doing anything wrong just because Joe Blogger over here says he’s going a completely different direction!
2) I see you have found some of my previous posts on this topic, such as:
I never had any issue whatsoever with the little brass locks from plastic cages, and so far [knocking on wood] I have never set off an alarm with my custom stainless steel device either! This includes more sporting events than I can count, and even the detectors at a courthouse!
When it comes to Chinese metal, which may be hard to prove if it’s really even stainless steel or not, you might have some trouble.. I don’t really have any first hand experience with those myself, but have read accounts of others who did set off a metal detector with devices like that.
As for airports, I have no idea what to even recommend at this point! I have not had an opportunity to fly for the past few years, since we’ve started engaging in longer term chastity. If you go through the full body scanners, I would suspect with a pretty high degree of certainty that TSA WILL see that something is there, it’s just a matter of if they decide to stop and hassle you about it or not. I have read accounts from (I think) fairly reliable sources of guys who go through these scanners regularly wearing a chastity device and NEVER get stopped! But then others say they were asked about it and had to go to a back room for a very quick visual inspection, but then were quickly sent on their way with minimal time lost.
For some guys the latter scenario would probably be the ultimate “humiliation” that they crave, while other guys would be absolutely mortified if it were to happen. Personally, I don’t think I would care either way… If security needs to do their due diligence and check to make sure I’m not stuffing a weapon down my pants, then let them check; but I wouldn’t by any means be getting off on the idea of having to expose myself like that. As far as I know there is nothing illegal about wearing a chastity device anywhere, even on an airplane. So my advice for anyone who chooses to try it is this: Just be completely transparent and honest, and be prepared to possibly show a stranger your junk IF it comes to that! If you want to start by playing it off as simple “body jewelry,” that’s not really a lie at all, and might be enough of an explanation for security to let you pass. But if they continue to press the issue I would be forthright about wearing a chastity device, and that someone else controls the keys so you cannot remove it.
All of that being said, do make sure that your key-holder is on board with that as well. I WILL be flying next summer (in 2018) for a vacation with the whole family, so as much as I kind of wouldn’t mind giving it a whirl I kind of suspect that I will be unlocked–at least long enough to pass through security, if not the whole flight to and from our destination. I think that I could probably handle being stopped and having to explain my situation, but ANGEL would be the one who would be completely mortified! So we’ll see how it goes between now and then, but as of now I suspect we will end up playing it extra safe and I still won’t know what “could have happened.”
3) Unfortunately, the answer is NO to this one as well. Angel has never really showed much interest in further reading/learning about this topic beyond what she experiences first-hand with me. In the beginning, I did try my best to get her to read a couple of books such as:
I don’t believe she ever really touched the first one, and she may have read the first couple chapters of the second book but it’s been sitting untouched in the top drawer of her nightstand for quite a while now. Perhaps someday she’ll take a notion to pick it up and read it through, but until then I’m not going to press her about it anymore. Heck, I don’t believe that Angel has ever even read any of THIS blog! [Honey, if you ARE reading this, I would love to hear what you think!! 🙂 ]
I did tell Angel towards the beginning that I was writing a blog, and offered to give her a link IF she was interested. She asked a few times after that if I was still writing, and I always said yes and again offered a link… But she never did ask me for a link and eventually quit bringing it up altogether. So at this point I don’t even know if she knows it’s still going this many years later! Angel knows everything that’s in here, as she has lived every moment of it with me; she just may not be aware that it has been chronicled so well and (hopefully) helped many others along their own chastity journeys as well!
In a perfect world, I would LOVE for Angel to at least read my blog regularly, and she would even be more than welcome to contribute her own perspectives any time she would like. I suspect that kind of insight (from the female key-holder) is something that could potentially push “Thrill of the Chaste” up to the next level of chastity sites! But I also know that’s not likely to happen anytime soon (if ever), so you guys are all just stuck with reading everything from MY angle!
Oh, sorry- I digress! 🙂 Back to your question, the books I mentioned above might be a good start if your wife is at least open to extra reading. There are a slew of others out there which may be just as good, I haven’t exactly read them all myself! If anybody else reading this has any good suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments below!
I hope that helps at least somewhat answer your questions without going off on too much of a tangent! As always, feel free to keep me updated with your own chastity experiences or if you have any further questions that I might have an answer or opinion on!