There are a few other chastity sites/forums (besides mine) that I follow fairly religiously, and will chime in once in a while on various subjects when I feel I might have something relevant to say. I’m not going to call out the other sites here, but it’s likely that at least some of you reading this have probably seen me perusing other groups! 🙂 Anyway, one topic that seems to come up on a somewhat regular basis is that of revealing your chastity device to others. Especially others who may not know anything about this kind of thing, and probably don’t WANT to know anything about that side of your sexuality! Most of the time in the groups I’m reading this is centered around chastity specifically, but it can usually also be applied to revealing any other “kink” to unsuspecting persons, and it generally gets into the issue of consent vs. non-consent as well.
The place this comes up most often is when talking about wearing a chastity device in a locker room, be it at the gym, pool, or elsewhere. I guess for some locked-up guys it’s kind of exciting to be exposed in that type of environment with a risk of being seen, or getting “caught.” These usually turn into fairly lengthy discussions, with at least one person adamantly stating that it is NEVER ok to purposely force your kink onto non-consenting outsiders. It’s an interesting debate. I can see both sides to this, and I think locker rooms in particular seem to be a pretty big gray area.
First, when it comes to exposing non-consenting people to my kinks, I agree that generally speaking that is wrong. I would never, for example, purposely pull down my pants while walking down the street or in any other public venue to reveal that I am locked in a chastity device. Even if I WASN’T locked, exposing myself in that kind of environment would be wrong (not to mention illegal in most places), where people have a reasonable expectation that everyone’s going to be keeping their clothes on!
In a locker room, yeah that’s in a way sort of a public venue too, but at least it’s segregated by gender and everyone expects to encounter naked people there. For the most part I think people tend to just keep their head down and mind their own business while letting everyone else tend to theirs. If anybody IS looking, there are all kinds of personal things you might see that wouldn’t normally be visible outside of the locker room. (i.e. hidden tattoos, piercings, etc.) I don’t necessarily think that seeing somebody in a chastity device in this scenario should be any different. Most people, even if curious, would probably just ignore it and move on with their life. Worst case (if it’s really even a bad thing) maybe it would end up being a conversation starter, and “enlighten” someone about something that they never knew anything about before. As long as everyone involved is being civil about it, there shouldn’t be any issue.
Now that’s not to say that someone in chastity should ever just run around the locker room naked, flaunting it or anything like that. It’s one thing if someone “happens” to see it, but even there I wouldn’t consider it ok to FORCE everyone nearby to look at your kink!
For myself, I still try to stay in a corner and keep covered as much as possible, and as far as I know nobody has ever seen my device. But partly why I do that (and yet another caveat to the whole locker room question) is that I have only ever been in this situation at the local YMCA, in the evenings, when there are also lots of children coming and going from swim classes. I definitely don’t want to be exposing that type of thing to them, for their parents to have to try to figure out what the heck they’re even talking about if/when they start asking questions! If I were a member of a gym or something, and knew that it would only be adult men in the locker room with me, I still wouldn’t just outright flaunt it but might tend to be more lenient about completely hiding myself.
To me, the bottom line is that everybody has their own unique interests, style, and way of living their life. It’s what defines each of us as an individual. When I walk down the street and see a person with giant holes in their ear lobes for some really large guage rings, I might think “OK, that’s not for me–but good for him/her for expressing themselves in that way!” In that example, from what I understand (with my admittedly very limited knowledge of it) that’s a fairly permanent body mod. So pretty much every single person that they ever meet for the rest of their life, will be immediately “exposed” to that side of their personality whether they like it or not. No, it’s not like we’re talking about a “sexual kink” here with that example, but really if someone in a locker room happened to find out that I as an individual happen to be into chastity, is that really so bad?
As always, let me know what you think. I’m always interested in other’s opinions on these types of issues! 🙂
I enjoy being in chastity, not because it’s a “kink”, but because it makes me feel safe and dedicated to my partner. Wearing a wedding ring is not a kink, wearing sexy underwear isn’t a kink. I change and shower and go to the sauna in a co-ed gym, and wearing my chastity cage (holytrainer) isn’t a kink or a ‘statement’, it’s just me. WhyTF would I take something off that makes me feel safe and comfortable and happy? For whom would I be taking it off… somebody with hangups? No thank you. Mostly – just like a wedding ring – I get no comments, sometimes I get interest – and there’s no problem with that – and sometimes I get ‘arousal’ – and there’s no problem with that either. I’m comfortable with me, if someone else isn’t, that’s their issue.
Wow, well done and very well said! I agree with you 100% that it’s more about just being who you are rather than trying to change just to appease someone else who may have their own hangups on the subject. That’s for them to deal with, not you! I may quote you from time to time, here or in other forums where similar topics come up about having a fear of “exposing our kink” to others in vanilla situations!
https://polldaddy.com/js/rating/rating.jsYou know you don’t have to strut around the gym locker room showing off your junk, it’s really easy to wear a towel to the showers and back to your locker. Like a woman can out on panties under a skirt without showing her vagina a guy can out on his underwear under the towel and not show off much.
You’re absolutely correct, and I think that would most likely be my approach if I were to ever find myself in an “adults only” gym locker room or something. I wouldn’t want to just go around “strutting my stuff,” but at the same time if someone happened to get an accidental peek at some point I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it!
https://polldaddy.com/js/rating/rating.jsI live in Palm Springs and go to s “straight” gym not a “gay” gym. We have gay and straight guys but the atmosphere in the locker room is conservative. Most if not all wear a towel to and from private showers. My policy is not to show it off but not hide it. The 15 seconds it takes to take off the towel and step into underwear or pants is a limited window of opportunity.
With that said I have been “caught” by guys obviously cruising and they were sorely dispappoonted. Lol
I like the thrill and having to adhere to an unnatural predicament in a natural situation.
Very well said, thank you! I think that’s probably how I would be in a gym locker room like that (if I actually ever WENT to a gym! Lol) If someone’s trying to get a glimpse they’ll get an eyeful, but most will probably never notice a thing since you don’t flaunt it.
The only place I’ve ever had any locker room experience is at the local YMCA where I do have to be a little more careful since kids could be present at any time. But even there it has never been difficult to hide my cage and I’m pretty certain nobody has ever seen it.
First, I tend to the side that we shouldn’t flaunt our kinks to people uninvolved. Second, I meet acquaintances at the Y occasionally whom I would like to spread the news about my cock cage.
would NOT like to spread
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I very much enjoyed reading this entry. I agree and think that for the most part, “Adults” tend to be more adults about this type of situation than the kids in high school used to be. Sometimes we fear what others think because of how we feared or experienced how others were treated back in high school days. As a more mature adult, my peers tend to me more”Adults” about things like this. Subjects have come up with my friends \ family
and they were adults about it. I don’t flaunt my kinks in front of people, I won’t go running around the adult only locker-room, a kid friendly locker-room means I will be in a stall just as pcguy said, but when a discussion arose, I do not hold back. People understand everyone has their own likes and even they may have things in their closet. People will ask out of curiosity or interest, some will want to ask but be afraid to, most will not say anything.
As you get older, your own feelings about what you enjoy become more important than how a stranger in a locker room thinks of you. The fear of others finding out aren’t a fear anymore. The only protection that holds true to me still is that fact that my wife is still a bit shy to talk about it and I protect my kids from exposure. Other than that, I am willing to talk about my likes to anyone I feel would be judgement free and merely curious about a subject.
I’m always surprised, as I move a little further into this fascinating pool, by the judgements I hear coming from non-partakers. It makes me extra thankful that the more people I meet on the kink side, the more open hearted acceptance I experience.
I’ve had to explain some interesting piercings to my daughters after trips to the Y, in some ways a cage might be an easier discussion…
I agree that a locker room is a different type of environment and that expectations are different there. I am allowed to remove my cage on most visits to the gym. The expectation is that I will reinstall it prior to leaving the gym. My wife gives me the key just before I leave in the morning and I remove the cage leaving the padlock unlocked. After my workout I clean up and then reapply the cage and lock. If it’s really busy, I go into a stall. There are times though when I’m just doing light cardio and I am not showering at the gym, where my wife will refuse to let me out for that workout. On one occasion she made sure I kept the cage on for my regular workout and cleanup. I was very circumspect though and no one noticed.
So do you find that some, more strenuous types of workouts just wouldn’t be feasible to do while locked? I never actually go to a gym myself, so I really can’t speak for that at all, was just curious where some of the limitations might be. The closest I can probably relate would be where I have done many pretty labor-intensive construction projects around the house, and so far have never really had any issues with chastity during any of that.
Some exercises would be difficult and others might find the cage displayed prominently. Also heavily sweating and the motion can lead to chafing.
https://polldaddy.com/js/rating/rating.jsMy wife and I train Mixed Martial Arts and Brazillian Jiu Jitsu, and I can stay locked up so long as I am wearing compression shorts and an athletic cup/supporter. If you’ve never trained BJJ before, one of the key positions is called “Guard”, where you are fighting from your back. It has the aggressor over you between your raised legs. We’re talking an intense missionary penetration position (because you are actually pulling them into you in order to control them). No way a cage would go unnoticed without the cup. Fortunately the use of one is not unremarkable with that crowd.
I got a Prince Albert piercing earlier this year and a custom cage is on the way. We’re pretty active and I hope the new cage will work better than the cheap Chinese cage I have been using.
On the matter of public disclosure, I am all against bringing people into something they would consider a kink. Public nudity isn’t a problem (in the right context), but sexual stimulation devices are a line we won’t cross intentionally.
A very interesting perspective, my blogging buddy. As a confirmed naturist/nudist, it definitely offers some “food for thought.” Thanks, man. Naked hugs!
Some interesting points – we often as society has slowly changed come to terms with piercings, tats, etc and seeing them on other people in the locker room. These are often much more commonplace (I expect) than seeing other guys with chastity devices on them. Likewise certain other things, as mentioned in other comments regarding condoms – these are pretty commonplace and nothing unusual about them.
I certainly would not want people seeing my kink exposed for all and sundry – it’s very much a private thing between me and Mrs EDC. Accidental viewing may be a risk involved in having something pretty much permanently affixed to you, but my thinking is to mitigate that as much as possible.
The other aspect of people willingly showing their devices off in locker rooms to expose their kink really does fall into the non-consensual camp in my opinion.
Is it really that bad if someone found out? It’s not the end of the world – my reasons for chastity are as unique as other peoples reasons. For some, it’s a method of control (like the couple who has the misfortune of infidelity – a means of restoring trust), for others it’s a means of power play between partners, for others, a reminder of their kinks in the more extreme.
It would take me a long, long time to convince someone it’s a: not harmful, and b: actually rather beneficial to our sex life. It took Mrs EDC long enough to come to terms with it !!!
That’s a very good point, where things like tats, piercings, etc. are much more common and “accepted” within society these days. But then I suppose part of the path to acceptance must be knowledge, right? And while I totally agree with not just flaunting a chastity device outright for every non-consenting person around you to see, I think as things like this become a bit more mainstream, “accidentally” seeing chastity in a locker room may just open the door for some to expand their horizons. The more extroverted may just ask about it on the spot, others will go home and do some google searches wondering what the heck they just saw, and who knows–may just find something that they could enjoy for themselves!
https://polldaddy.com/js/rating/rating.js“Mainstream” is the key, I agree. I have a stainless steel rod running through my penis with enough metal to set off detectors that have been set to high-sensitivity. I also happen to go through detectors more frequently than most. With enough people out there pierced under clothing, I have no problem when the wand stops and I say, “pierced”. Nobody cares. As a side theory, I think the prevalence of women being pierced under their clothes (nipples, whatever) does a lot. It’s not just creepy dudes.
I won’t go through detectors with a cage, though. If a detector that has been set to low-sensitivity picks up the cage it’s because it found more metal than a piercing could reasonably explain. It’d be awkward. But even in this case, unless I knew first-hand that I was going to get scanned I don’t consider this a public reveal. I see it more as a violation of my privacy. I’m sick of security theater anyway.
The way I see it I wouldn’t run around flaunting vanilla any more than I run around flaunting kink, but if a condom happened to fall out of my purse well ….
That person might decide to ask me about being sexually active or they might actively ignore me as I put it away. So be it, go with the flow and deal with what, if anything comes of it.
I think your ideas are sound! 😀
Good analogy, thank you!
I know a couple where the man cheated on a regular basis, chastity saved their relationship. They’re the happiest they’ve ever been so no it isn’t bad at all! It’s all a matter of subjectivity
Agreed, within a relationship I would say it is perfectly OK, even healthy, to reveal all aspects of yourself–kinks included. Your partner might reject some, if they’re just not “into” it, or they might pick it up and run with it, bringing you even closer as a couple. That’s a great example of a success story, thank you!
But what about outside the privacy of your bedroom, with people that you are not intimate with, and have no idea how “kink-centric” they may be? Is it ever ok to reveal these kind of kinks to non-consenting folks in that type of situation?
It depends on how secure you are as a person I guess.id have no probs telling anyone my kinks, but I’m probably very desensitised. also I don’t give a toss, I don’t need anyone’s approval. But I think some people wouldn’t have a positive response. I guess the issue is how I’d deal with that….