Self-Control

As I mentioned in a previous post, Angel and the boys were going out of town this weekend to visit some family, leaving me home alone once again. I miss Angel so much when she is gone. I miss not being able to wake up next to her with my cage somewhat involuntarily getting pushed into her body. I miss her reaching back and grabbing it, making sure I know exactly who this dick belongs to! I miss not being able to reach around with my fingers and give her a good wake-up call by beginning to rub her closer and closer to orgasm (pending no children ending up in our bed first, of course! Lol) It’s like a small part of me is always just missing whenever she goes away for a few days.

I did end up doing this weekend as I have done sometimes in the past, where I will actually pull on a piece of Angel’s more comfortable lingerie to sleep in while she’s gone.  That does somehow do wonders to make me still feel closer to her.  I will fall asleep sort of hugging a pillow with one arm and yes, sort of fondling my own “boobs” with the other!  Obviously that would work better if I actually HAD said boobs, but it’s as close as I can get! 🙂  Thankfully, Angel will be back tonight, so everything should get back to normal I suppose!

I will say that one thing I was somewhat disappointed to find after Angel left, was that the keys to my Jail Bird were still just laying right out in the open next to the bed, right where she laid them the last time I locked up and gave them back to her..  Now don’t get me wrong, I have no intention of “cheating” and having an orgasm without her permission. But when they are right there in plain site in a completely empty house, I’d be lying if I said the temptation wasn’t ever there at all!

And now I even have to admit, in one moment of weakness I did even use them to unlock myself temporarily.  Just to be able to feel myself get hard again, and feel my hand wrapped around Angel’s dick.  But no, I DID NOT bring myself all the way to an orgasm!  Just to the edge a few times, letting myself get as close as possible, but then went ahead and locked right back up again.  There will be no orgasms here until SHE says so!

It does take a bit of self-control to stay locked when the keys are right within reach.  It’s almost like going back to my pre-Angel days, when I engaged in Solo Chastity.  And please, don’t get me wrong, any readers out there who DO engage in solo chastity currently.  You do have to start somewhere, and if that’s the only option currently available to you then by all means go for it!  It’s a great way to practice, figure out what works for you and what doesn’t, get the fit right, etc.  But I’d have to say that nothing can really compare to having a real key-holder, making enforced chastity a very real thing!

I don’t really think Angel left the keys out in plain view as a sort of “test” or anything like that.  I think she’s just confident enough that I won’t use them without her that she just never really feels the need to hide them or anything.  But I don’t know..  It just doesn’t really feel like the same “game” when I know the option is there to unlock any time, even when she leaves them out like that when she’s home.  I’m kind of thinking that once I know for sure the Jail Bird is fitting well enough that I won’t have to switch myself back to the Queen’s Keep mid-session, I may have to suggest to her to keep them more hidden and/or locked away.  The best I’ve come up with so far is using the lockbox that we have used a few times with key-holding sites like CarliLock or EmlaLock.  Even if we don’t let the site enforce the duration, she could still set her own combination on the lockbox and keep the keys inside.  That way they would always be readily available until SHE wants to use them, but I wouldn’t be able to reach them.  In an emergency she would be able to give me the combination to let myself out if that were ever necessary…  Or maybe there’s even a better option out there, I don’t know!  We’ll just see how it goes.  In the mean time, I’ll just continue working on my own self-control!