First of all, to all of my readers in the U.S., Happy Labor Day! I don’t really have any pithy remarks about this “unofficial” end of summer, so let’s just say have fun! 🙂 And now on to what I REALLY wanted this post to be about!
I’ve written a little bit before about WHY I’m interested in male chastity and orgasm denial. Ok so really that’s basically this entire blog, but specifically I posted about it earlier this year with my piece titled appropriately:
I stand by everything I wrote on that page at the time, but the other day I also came across a little different perspective on this topic which I felt was worth writing more about. This is from a chastity forum on Reddit, where the author granted me permission to cross-post his writing, so enjoy!
Some thoughts on “The Why” of Chastity
I’ve been playing with this kink for over 5 years now and like almost everyone else here I’ve been wrapped up in getting the best device, figuring out a way to introduce the idea to my keyholder, figuring out how to best interact with my keyholder, and exploring variations of the general theme of chastity. Whenever I’ve started to dig into the “why” I never really got much further than looking back and picking out moments in my life that support the argument that a desire to be submissive has always been there. Just recently though, I’m starting to question if that’s right. I bet that for every man who was already submissive to his wife in the bedroom and chastity was later introduced to expand on that behavior, that there are 20 men who were not really all that submissive before and chastity was the first major step down that path.
For the sake of keystrokes here I’m going to call the first guy the “true” submissive. My thought is that most men in chastity are not “true” submissives and that’s supported by how prevalent topping from the bottom is in this kink. I think there’s a bunch of men who are not really submissive but have discovered chastity as a means for sexual engagement. If you have been in a relationship where there is a dramatic difference in sex drives then chances are sexually you have felt underutilized, put on a shelf, or under-engaged. Lock a chastity device on your cock though and instantly you are now sexually engaged—albeit the engagement is from someTHING and not someONE. The engagement from the inanimate object hanging on our junk is not as great as sexual engagement from someone but it’s still pretty awesome though because it’s constant, unwavering and unrelenting and it’s always there when we are in the mood for it.
This ability to be sexually engaged just through the use of a device can also explain why so many single men are self-locked because chances are without the device they would not be sexually engaged at all or at the very least sexually under-engaged just like those of us who have a partner with a lower libido than ours. Now with just the twist of a key like us, they can now be sexually engaged nearly every waking moment. For those of us who are not self-locked, handing over our keys to our sexual partner changes them from a far too infrequent interested party to someone who through the use of the device is now engaging us 24/7. In less nuanced language it turns them into a sex fiend, someone who is always in our pants—even when we’re in our staff meeting, on our drive to work, in the produce section of the supermarket, on the running trail, at the game, or in the plumbing section of the hardware store.
The chastity device also stands alone with the exception of an intimate piercing or a cock ring as the one device that offers engagement 24/7. Unlocked we can all wank and use any number of toys to enhance that experience. Put a 9 inch dildo up your ass when you masturbate and you’ll no doubt be engaged by that object but that engagement is fleeting and is only desirable as long as you can hold your load. Not only does the chastity device engage us longer but by its nature it prevents us from blowing our load—which makes it desirable nearly all of the time.
In a nutshell, I contend that a chastity device allows us to have something that we crave—greater sexual engagement which helps us bridge the gap between mismatched libidos. The craving for greater sexual engagement is so deep that we’re willing to do just about anything for it, and the most obvious thing to us is to place ourselves in the service of another in exchange for holding our key, acknowledging our situation and occasionally interacting with us.
I find this to be a very interesting point of view! I do completely agree that it does pretty much immediately make you be sexuality engaged 24×7. Where I would expand, I think, is on the concept of using it to help balance mismatched libidos, and on the statement that we are basically placing ourselves “into the service of another in exchange for holding our key, acknowledging our situation, and occasionally interacting with us.”
I think mcqueen is right that there are probably plenty of guys out there whose partners truly have a very low sex drive, and locking up and hoping for that very occasional interaction is the best way of having any sexual engagement at all. I can’t speak for all situations, but I will say to anybody in this type of relationship that there’s always a chance that it could change! For my particular situation, Angel has always been relatively active sexually, but once we got into chastity and she began seeing the benefits of it, her drive has completely gone through the roof! I would contend that we have far more sex now than we ever did pre-chastity, albeit “different” forms of sex. There could very well be cases of a key-holder with little to no libido pre-chastity, but once she starts benefiting from all the extra attention being paid to her, then possibly getting more confident and feeling more sexy herself, the frequency of sexual encounters could also increase exponentially; a win-win for all involved! But of course everyone’s mileage will vary greatly, based on your own individual circumstances…
In response to my remarks, mcqueen added the following statement:
I think a low libido keyholder could take to chastity very well because now if she truly takes control there’s no pressure on her to take things any further than what she wants.
This is also a very good point. Once in control of the keys, there’s nothing saying that a woman must automatically increase the sexual attention that she gives to her now-chaste partner! If both people are (relatively) happy with their given situation, I’m certainly not one to judge a relationship!
Does anybody else have any thoughts on this subject? Do you find yourself identifying with this line of reasoning for engaging in chastity? What other reasons do you have for participating in this particular kink?