Thrill of the Chaste

Hmm, it seems I’ve inadvertently started a whole “Chastity As…” series! I’ve written before about Chastity as a game, as a lifestyle, and even as birth control. This next part will focus on Chastity as Religion. Let me just clarify up front though. I am NOT saying that chastity IS the religion; rather I am referring to chastity WITHIN religion. And I don’t care what religion it is.. This may focus mainly on tenets of Christianity, but I think similar points could be made about chastity within ANY other religion out there!

This stemmed from some comments left on my blog which I ended up moving over to the Discussion Board. In general I hate talking (even writing) about anything political or religious oriented, because it can bring out such deep emotions in people that often they aren’t capable of “reasonable” debate (Generally speaking. I am NOT saying that is true with this gentleman!) I’m also not always very good at articulating my own thoughts on these matters. I really debated whether or not I should even write any more about this, or just let it drop. But I decided to at least make it an actual post, with a few final thoughts. Then most likely will just let the topic drop for good!

As some background, here was the original comment as posted by RichyAugustine on my About Me page:

I stumbled across this blog under the guise of ‘chastity’ and liked the name; there is a wonderful book of the same title. However when I came to read your blog I was quite shocked. Chastity (and our sexuality) isn’t some kind of game; it’s about self-discipline, not just locking yourself up. We’re chaste so we may glorify God with our body, and in turn glorify our partner. Don’t get me wrong you certainly have an interesting blog but I think you may have been lied to somewhere along the road about what true chastity is and what it is to be truly chaste. It isn’t about not having a sexual desire, we all have them, it’s about learning to control that desire. That control is what makes us truly free, that is the Thrill of the Chaste.

Ok. Richy seems like a nice guy, with good intentions. We may disagree on what chastity is, but I can see where he’s coming from. Here was my reply on the Discussion Board:

Hi, Richy- Thank you for the comments. I do appreciate your keeping an open mind and continuing to read my blog even though it wasn’t exactly what you were initially expecting. We may have a slight difference of opinion, but there’s no reason we can’t respect each other’s and have a rational conversation about it!

I grew up in a very ultra-conservative household, so I am well aware of the church’s stance on things like abstinence, chastity, etc. especially before marriage. I think that people can choose to be chaste for multiple reasons, religious or otherwise. In your case it is to “glorify God with your body,” though I’m not entirely sure I understand how that leads to also “glorifying your partner..” I think that might be where a difference comes in between being abstinent and being chaste. If you are dating somebody and the two of you choose abstinence until you are married, good for you! I can certainly see how in the eyes of the church that could be considered “glorifying” each other as well as God, and making sure you are getting married for the “right” reasons. Sex then, is just icing on the cake once you are married. A better example of chastity within religion (at least in my mind) would be the vows that a Priest or other clergy members might take to have absolutely no sexual relations at all, for the sake of glorifying God. That means that there is NO partner!

However, within a marriage there is no reason for a couple not to fully explore and enjoy their sexuality with each other. After all God did make us as very sexual creatures, right? You state that “it isn’t about not having a sexual desire, we all have them..” This is one point I do agree with! Even when I choose to be “locked” and chaste, it is still not about suppressing the sexual desire at all–rather, enhancing it! When I am in chastity and my wife is holding the keys, there is a closeness with her that cannot really be adequately described to anyone who has never experienced it. We still can and do have a very strong sexual relationship, and if anything it makes our marriage even that much stronger!

To summarize: my wife and I do not practice chastity for religious reasons, as clergy would do, and as a married couple we also do not practice abstinence. I think I’ve written somewhere else on this blog before that “chaste sex” is still sex. Being chaste allows me to focus even more of MY sexual energy onto my wife, and BOTH of us benefit greatly from it! A good sexual relationship may not be an absolute requirement for all marriages (there are plenty of cases where it’s just not even possible for one reason or another) but it certainly does help!

And that was the end of the discussion, at least on MY forum. However, it came to my attention later that Richy wrote a whole post about it on HIS blog, talking about my site. The specific post can be found here. It reads pretty much just like the comments posted on my page, so I have no issues with what he is saying. It would have been nice, I think, if there at least could have been a link to my page so maybe his viewers could come have a read and decide for themselves, but that’s neither here or there. In a way I guess I’m almost flattered that Richy even wrote about me on his own blog! I must be doing SOMETHING right with my writing to prompt these deep, intellectual (or theological) responses! 🙂

My reply above is still exactly where I stand on the issue overall, I just wanted to reiterate a couple of points. No, nobody has “lied” to me about what chastity is. I think it simply means different things in different contexts. In a religious context, I realize that it can mean choosing to control your sexual desires and instead direct all of that energy into “Godly” things. That’s cool, I get it! I’m not going to sit here and bash anybody at all who practices that. In my case though, I don’t engage in chastity within a “religious context” at all. I don’t really know what it would be called instead… “Marital context??” That doesn’t really make sense either but I’m not sure what term to put there so I’ll just go with that. Within a marital context, we’re definitely not “controlling the sexual desires” at all! There’s a ton of desire between us, and we act on it regularly! The only thing actually being controlled (by choice), are MY orgasms!

I know part of the “problem” here was in calling chastity (and our sexuality) a “game.” In Richy’s post he states “When it comes to us being married we remain chaste by not seeking other pleasures. Not watching pornography, seeking other partners, these things are obvious.” That’s cool, I get this too! That also clarifies part of what I still had a question about in my original response, about “glorifying our partner.” Within a marriage, he’s not calling for chastity as in “not having sex.” Instead, chastity is being redefined a bit to mean ONLY taking pleasure with each other; in other words, glorifying our partner by keeping a monogamous relationship. Well, that is exactly what Angel and I have! I know that we only have eyes for each other, but we do also enjoy using chastity (including lockable chastity devices) as sort of a “game” within our marriage. It is simply a tool, which helps to greatly enhance and deepen our desire for each other, and I would go so far as to say even strengthens our marriage! Now, I don’t think there’s any religion out there that wouldn’t say a stronger marriage is a good thing! Within our marital context, that enhanced and deepened level of sexual desire, is what I write about as our “Thrill of the Chaste!”

So there we go. I’m certainly not trying to get into any sort of perpetual argument about this, and I know that I’ll never change anybody’s mind who already has a strong opinion one way or the other about it. And that’s ok! I’m quite content with living my life in the way that works for myself and my family, and letting others live their lives in the way that works for them. Enough said!